Sid's Recovery

During my 25 years of "acting out" in my addiction, I would often ask God to remove my "shortcomings". In fact, I would plead with Him to "just take it away" most every time I fell. But, as I reflect on those pleadings now, I see that I was more arrogant than humble in my approach to God. I wanted Him to do it all and I wanted Him to do it now! I wanted Him to take my will, without my willingness to give it to Him. I was unwilling to admit the extent of my issues to anyone, not even to God or myself. And yet, I was demanding of God to fix me. I wasn't at all ready to have God remove my defects of character, even though I thought I was.

God says "My son, give me thine heart..." (Prov 23:26). If I were to hold out to you a gift in my hand, but not release it from my grasp as you attempted to take it, would it really be a gift? "Please take it", I would continue to urge. And yet, I would not release my grip. This is what it was like for me as I continually asked God for deliverance from my issues, while being unwilling to let them go.

In recovery, my arrogance and pride are gradually turning to willing submission to God's will -- humility. It is my experience that God removes my "shortcomings" only as fast as I am willing to let them go. This is not only a passive submission, but an active determination to choose a better course of action for my life -- one temptation at a time -- one day at a time. "To make God's grace our own, we must act our part. His grace is given to work in us to will and to do, but never as a substitute for our effort. As the Lord co-operated with Daniel and his fellows, so He will co-operate with all who strive to do His will." (PK 486-487)

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

"One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, 'Would you like to get well?'" (John 5:5-6) Likewise, God asks us today, "Would you like your defects of character to be healed?" Of course we do, right?

But wait... Are we really ready to co-operate with God in this healing process? Do we have any idea just how far-reaching this decision could be? Are we willing to accept the lifestyle changes, the attitude changes, and the trials (healing crisis) that will come to us during this healing process? Is it worth the trouble?

As a participant in this process since 1994, I can answer with a resounding YES! It is oftentimes a painful process. The rather overused phrase "No Pain, No Gain" applies here too. James put it this way, "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." (James 1:2-4). And Paul said it like this: "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." (Romans 5:3-5)

It is my understanding that the only thing we will take to Heaven is our character. It is good to recognize our character flaws and to confess them, but those things will avail us little unless we choose to co-operate with God in the "progressive work of a lifetime", the sanctification of our character. As we do that, God works in us "to will and to do of his good pleasure" -- we become more like Jesus! (Philippians 2:13)

Lord, whatever it takes, please make me whole and healthy, and show me how to cooperate with you in this process.

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." (Step 6)

After taking an honest moral inventory of our lives, it is tempting to take on a great deal of shame, as we begin to realize how horrible our behaviors have been. If we stop here, the weight of this shame and guilt can be too much to handle. It could even push us deeper into our addictions, or worse. That's why we need to do more than just admit (confess) these things to ourselves. There are two additional Bible principles we need to consider.

Second:"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:8-9)

Wow! That is so powerful! God says that, just admitting our mistakes to Him, is enough to have forgiveness from Him. To know we are forgiven greatly reduces our shame and guilt. So, why not go ahead and enter into this ancient Christian tradition of confession? God knows you better than yourself, so what do you have to lose? The only thing I lose, when I confess, is my guilt and shame. What I gain is forgiveness and peace. By this act I also become more accountable to God. As a result, I'm less interested in doing the same bad behavior again.

Third: Not only should we admit our mistakes to ourselves and to God, we must also: "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results" NLT(James 5:16).

By admitting my weaknesses to at least one other person, I become more accountable. I need that. I really believe that you are only as sick as your secrets. By being more open about these things, we tend to be less bound by the sins that have so easily beset us. A safe place to make these confessions is at a 12-Step meeting. This is one of the biggest reasons I like 12-Step groups. It gives me a place that I can be honest, without fear of gossip.

The control that our sick behaviors have over us can be broken through confession. Please don't let your secrets destroy your life any longer. God has a better way :-)

"Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." (James 4:10) "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:" (1 Peter 5:6)

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." (Step 5)

"Have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?" (Hebrews 12:5-7)

It was the morning after the evening of my first victory in Jesus when it was as if my whole sinful life passed before me. God brought back to my conscious memory all of my sinful thoughts and actions of my previous 25 years of practicing my addictions. The realization of the depth of my wretched life of sin was nearly overwhelming.

For years I knew that I was powerless over my addictions and that my life was out-of-control, but this was different. This was a deep, heart-felt inventory of my dreadfully sinful condition. I am extremely thankful that God didn't lay this heavy load on me before my first victory through surrender to Jesus. If He had, it would likely have crushed me, since I had no hope of ever conquering my evil behavior.

But that wasn't the case now. I had the keys to victory. I had experienced (for the first time in my life), absolute surrender to God in the midst of temptation. And, even though it was extremely hard to face my past, I knew that Jesus was holding my hand. I knew that I no longer had to live in my past, but instead I could move on to a brighter tomorrow, through constant surrender of my will to Jesus. Praise God!

I have no other explanation as to why this spiritual inventory happened, other than it must have been God. Looking back to that experience now, I see that it was an absolute necessity that I go through the pain of being totally honest with myself about my condition. It prepared me for the next conviction that God soon brought to me.

"He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me" (2 Corinthians 12:9).

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." (Step 4)