Sid's Recovery

During my 25 years of "acting out" in my addiction, I would often ask God to remove my "shortcomings". In fact, I would plead with Him to "just take it away" most every time I fell. But, as I reflect on those pleadings now, I see that I was more arrogant than humble in my approach to God. I wanted Him to do it all and I wanted Him to do it now! I wanted Him to take my will, without my willingness to give it to Him. I was unwilling to admit the extent of my issues to anyone, not even to God or myself. And yet, I was demanding of God to fix me. I wasn't at all ready to have God remove my defects of character, even though I thought I was.

God says "My son, give me thine heart..." (Prov 23:26). If I were to hold out to you a gift in my hand, but not release it from my grasp as you attempted to take it, would it really be a gift? "Please take it", I would continue to urge. And yet, I would not release my grip. This is what it was like for me as I continually asked God for deliverance from my issues, while being unwilling to let them go.

In recovery, my arrogance and pride are gradually turning to willing submission to God's will -- humility. It is my experience that God removes my "shortcomings" only as fast as I am willing to let them go. This is not only a passive submission, but an active determination to choose a better course of action for my life -- one temptation at a time -- one day at a time. "To make God's grace our own, we must act our part. His grace is given to work in us to will and to do, but never as a substitute for our effort. As the Lord co-operated with Daniel and his fellows, so He will co-operate with all who strive to do His will." (PK 486-487)

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

"One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, 'Would you like to get well?'" (John 5:5-6) Likewise, God asks us today, "Would you like your defects of character to be healed?" Of course we do, right?

But wait... Are we really ready to co-operate with God in this healing process? Do we have any idea just how far-reaching this decision could be? Are we willing to accept the lifestyle changes, the attitude changes, and the trials (healing crisis) that will come to us during this healing process? Is it worth the trouble?

As a participant in this process since 1994, I can answer with a resounding YES! It is oftentimes a painful process. The rather overused phrase "No Pain, No Gain" applies here too. James put it this way, "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." (James 1:2-4). And Paul said it like this: "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." (Romans 5:3-5)

It is my understanding that the only thing we will take to Heaven is our character. It is good to recognize our character flaws and to confess them, but those things will avail us little unless we choose to co-operate with God in the "progressive work of a lifetime", the sanctification of our character. As we do that, God works in us "to will and to do of his good pleasure" -- we become more like Jesus! (Philippians 2:13)

Lord, whatever it takes, please make me whole and healthy, and show me how to cooperate with you in this process.

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." (Step 6)

After taking an honest moral inventory of our lives, it is tempting to take on a great deal of shame, as we begin to realize how horrible our behaviors have been. If we stop here, the weight of this shame and guilt can be too much to handle. It could even push us deeper into our addictions, or worse. That's why we need to do more than just admit (confess) these things to ourselves. There are two additional Bible principles we need to consider.

Second:"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:8-9)

Wow! That is so powerful! God says that, just admitting our mistakes to Him, is enough to have forgiveness from Him. To know we are forgiven greatly reduces our shame and guilt. So, why not go ahead and enter into this ancient Christian tradition of confession? God knows you better than yourself, so what do you have to lose? The only thing I lose, when I confess, is my guilt and shame. What I gain is forgiveness and peace. By this act I also become more accountable to God. As a result, I'm less interested in doing the same bad behavior again.

Third: Not only should we admit our mistakes to ourselves and to God, we must also: "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results" NLT(James 5:16).

By admitting my weaknesses to at least one other person, I become more accountable. I need that. I really believe that you are only as sick as your secrets. By being more open about these things, we tend to be less bound by the sins that have so easily beset us. A safe place to make these confessions is at a 12-Step meeting. This is one of the biggest reasons I like 12-Step groups. It gives me a place that I can be honest, without fear of gossip.

The control that our sick behaviors have over us can be broken through confession. Please don't let your secrets destroy your life any longer. God has a better way :-)

"Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." (James 4:10) "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:" (1 Peter 5:6)

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." (Step 5)

"Have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?" (Hebrews 12:5-7)

It was the morning after the evening of my first victory in Jesus when it was as if my whole sinful life passed before me. God brought back to my conscious memory all of my sinful thoughts and actions of my previous 25 years of practicing my addictions. The realization of the depth of my wretched life of sin was nearly overwhelming.

For years I knew that I was powerless over my addictions and that my life was out-of-control, but this was different. This was a deep, heart-felt inventory of my dreadfully sinful condition. I am extremely thankful that God didn't lay this heavy load on me before my first victory through surrender to Jesus. If He had, it would likely have crushed me, since I had no hope of ever conquering my evil behavior.

But that wasn't the case now. I had the keys to victory. I had experienced (for the first time in my life), absolute surrender to God in the midst of temptation. And, even though it was extremely hard to face my past, I knew that Jesus was holding my hand. I knew that I no longer had to live in my past, but instead I could move on to a brighter tomorrow, through constant surrender of my will to Jesus. Praise God!

I have no other explanation as to why this spiritual inventory happened, other than it must have been God. Looking back to that experience now, I see that it was an absolute necessity that I go through the pain of being totally honest with myself about my condition. It prepared me for the next conviction that God soon brought to me.

"He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me" (2 Corinthians 12:9).

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." (Step 4)

Speaking to Jesus, "Peter insisted. 'Even if I have to die with you, I will never deny you!'" (Matthew 26:35). But, early the next morning, "Peter denied [knowing Jesus] in front of everyone. 'I don’t know what you’re talking about,' he said.... Again Peter denied it, this time with an oath. 'I don’t even know the man,' he said... Peter swore, 'A curse on me if I’m lying—I don’t know the man!'..." (Matthew 26:70,72,74)

I find it very interesting that the Greek word translated "deny", which Matthew used to describe Peter's denial of Christ, is the same word that Jesus used, when He said, "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me." (Matthew 16:24) (Mark 8:34) (Luke 9:23).

Rather than a smooth elevator ride to Heaven, Christianity involves a battle -- against self -- a denial of the clamors of my flesh, in surrender to my omnipotent, loving Heavenly Father. Jesus gives us more-than-ample examples of this process in His own life.

Consider Jesus in Gethsemane when He said, "My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death... And he... fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt... He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done." (Matthew 26:38-39,42). He didn't have to go through with this plan, but He chose to deny Himself and accept the will of His father.

When He was taken captive by the angry mob, He had the power to set Himself free and destroy them all. But He denied His divine power, only using it to heal an ear of His enemy.

When He was sentenced to be purged with the Roman Scourge, He could have said, "Enough! No more!", and set Himself free, but instead He denied Himself and was beaten, near to death.

When He was nailed to that old rugged cross, He could have called ten-thousand angels destroy the world and set Him free, but instead He denied Himself, trusting in His father to make all things right, and good, in the end.

Yes, denial of self can be painful and very hard, but it's also true that, "The heavenly intelligences will work with the human agent… Christ says, I am at your right hand to help you. As the will of man co-operates with the will of God, it becomes omnipotent. Whatever is to be done at His command may be accomplished in His strength. All His biddings are enablings" (Christ's Object Lessons 332-333).

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." (Step 3)

Jesus said (in John 15), 1-3 "I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of me that doesn't bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more. You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken.

4"Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can't bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can't bear fruit unless you are joined with me."

5-8"I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you're joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can't produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples."

9-10"I've loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love."

11-15"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father." (John 15:1-15) Quoted from "The Message" Bible.

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." (Step 2)

My human tendency is to consider myself well-able to handle whatever life brings to me. I want to be in control, but when I consider the awesome power and goodness of God, I can't help but resonate with the Psalmist, when he said, "Have mercy upon me, O Jehovah; for I am withered away: O Jehovah, heal me; for my bones are troubled." (Psalms 6:2).

It is a central paradox in the process of sanctification, that admission of powerlessness is key to receiving victory in Jesus. The apostle Paul said it this way: "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9,10).

My choice is plain and simple. I can continue to hold onto (wishful or imaginary) control of people and things, or I can admit my weakness, let go of my control issues, and allow God to work in me, and through me, to will and to do according to His good pleasure. (Philippians 2:13). I need to consider the resultant stress-level of each of these choices. Shall I continue to fight for control, or would I rather let go and let God give me peace and joy?

"We admitted we were powerless over our problems, that our lives had become unmanageable." (Step 1)

"And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:" (Matthew 28:18-19)

When I was a teenager, and well into my 20s, it was common for me to feel guilty for not distributing Christian literature or participating in other church functions that required me to witness to others. I've never been a great outside salesperson and it was frustrating to feel shamed for not participating in this type of activity. It seemed like I was being told that it was my duty to do these things. But it was drudgery for me.

Looking back to those days, from where I am today, I understand better why it was such drudgery. I was trying to do witnessing when I hadn't even come to the realization that I was powerless over my problems.

Today however, having had a spiritual awakening, I am grateful to realize that an integral part of my recovery process is in witnessing to others what great things God does in my life, as I choose to cooperate (trust and obey) with His loving leading.

I can now appreciate what the apostle John said: "they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony..." (Revelation 12:11)

I could not overcome, if it were not for Jesus and His infinite sacrifice for me, and His total willingness to save me from my sins. Out of love and gratitude for all He does for me, I now feel compelled to testify to others of God's amazing grace. And not only that, but as I consider all those I have harmed in the past, it makes me all the more determined to do all that I can to help as many as possible now and in the future. And not only that, but by the word of my testimony I become less and less likely to re-enter my past harmful behaviors.

That is why I strive to bring these messages of hope to the hurting and why I choose, through the power of God, to practice these Gospel principles in all that I do -- trusting that my loving Higher Power will be with me always, "even unto the end of the world. Amen."

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." (Step 12)

"Blessed is the man whose strength is in thee; In whose heart are the highways to Zion. Passing through the valley of Weeping they make it a place of springs; Yea, the early rain covereth it with blessings. They go from strength to strength; Every one of them appeareth before God in Zion." (Psalms 84:5-7)

Life is a journey. Sometimes we have mountaintop experiences and other times, we are in the valley of despair. But I've found that through it all, as I choose to trust in God, that all things work together for good (Romans 8:28). It's great to have the mountaintop experiences, but it's in times of trouble that I lean on Him most heavily. It's in times of trouble that I see Him working most in my life to bring me to a better place. And it's in trusting and obeying Him in those hard times that helps to build my character to become more like Jesus.

"For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, Than to dwell in the tents of wickedness. For Jehovah God is a sun and a shield: Jehovah will give grace and glory; No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. O Jehovah of hosts, Blessed is the man that trusteth in thee." (Psalms 84:10-12)

Sometimes God's blessings are disguised as trouble and trials, but He is always close by, providing a shield to protect us against more than we can handle (1 Cor 10:13). As a result, we come out of trouble a better person than before. Even though I often don't understand now, I believe that I would not choose to be led by God any differently than He leads me now, if I could see the end from the beginning, as He does.

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." (Step 11)

As I continue to take a daily personal inventory of myself, I first consider my relationship with God. Am I still yielding my will to His? Do I still trust Him enough to surrender my self to Him in the moment of temptation?

Then I must consider my human relationships. Is there anyone whom I have wronged that I've not made amends to? If so, not only do I need to pursue the making of amends, but it's also helpful to try to identify why I did that. Are my basic needs, as a human being not being met?

The book, "Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery" identifies five components (starting on page 67) of this ongoing recovery process:

1) Are my basic human need for love, acceptance, and security being met? And do I even recognize those needs?

2) What are my feelings? Am I hiding feelings of grief that need to be expressed? Am I having feelings of rejection? I especially need to watch for feelings of resentment because "resentment covers anger, anger covers hurt, hurt usually covers fear, and ... the deepest fear is that our basic human needs are not going to be met."

3) Am I using any codependent and/or addictive means of trying to get my needs met? Am I manipulative or over controlling? Am I perfectionistic or compulsive? Am I playing the martyr or the victim in sick relationships? Am I trying to "rescue" or enable other people's sick behaviors? If I'm doing any of these, I need to consider what personal needs am I trying to meet by these bogus means.

4) Am I holding appropriate boundaries and am I respecting the boundaries of others? There is a delicate line between being too rigid and keeping people out when needed. It's also a delicate line between being too fragile and letting people into my life as needed. Can I say yes when I should say yes, and say no when I should say no? And, do I respect other's yeses and noes regarding their boundaries? If I've violated boundaries, I need to make amends, where possible.

5) Do I admit my wrongs promptly? If not, the temptation is to rationalize my wrongs. If I do that, these may become resentments against others which will likely sabotage my recovery.

"Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it." (Step 10)

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged." (Colossians 3:18-21)

A wise writer once said that if a person can be a Christian at home, he/she can be a Christian anywhere, implying that there is no harder place to be a Christian than at home with our families. At home we tend to let down any façades we may carry with us when we are in public. In so doing, we are more likely to hurt those we love the most -- sad, but true.

Of course, God is always there for us, ready to deliver us from those temptations, before we hurt others. But sometimes we fail to surrender our will to God, and thus lose the victory we could have had. When that happens and we hurt a family member, the temptation is to just move on and pretend that it didn't happen. Or, we might justify our behavior, claiming that they deserved what they got. But this tends to weaken (and could eventually destroy) our family relationships.

On the other hand, when we admit our mistakes and make amends with those we have wounded, our family relationships are strengthened. Not only that, but when at least one family member starts practicing these principles, others are likely to follow suit, as they are convicted by the Holy Spirit. This can change the whole dynamics of the family -- for the better.

Making amends is always hard, but the resultant peace in our home is well worth the pain. And whenever we make a decided effort to do as we are led by the Holy Spirit, God adds His blessing and assistance to make it all possible. Without Him, we can do nothing good (John 15:5), but with Him, we can do all things! (Philippians 4:13). For us, this is "impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible." (Mark 10:27).

"Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." (Step 9)

1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13) NLT

No matter how much I strive for excellence in my life and occupation, if I have not love for those around me, all my other efforts are in vain. Even if I give large amounts of money, and even time, to help those in need, without love, it's worthless. And even if I do many good deeds, but am unwilling to forgive and make amends, to those whom I have wronged, my good deeds are of no lasting value.

Sometimes, those whom I have wronged first wronged me. And, they may even still be doing similar wrongs to me and to others. So, will I choose to separate the sin from the sinner? I realize that I am no more deserving of forgiveness than they are. I wonder, if a person is worthy of forgiveness, do they actually need forgiveness? I'm not sure...

I'm coming to believe that forgiving doesn't mean excusing or forgetting the wrong. And it doesn't mean a removal of consequences. But it does mean a change of attitude on my part. It means that I begin to wish the offender well. It means that I pray that my offender may find healing through recovery, so that they may find the peace and joy that I am finding in the Lord. It means that I want to see my offender as an erring child of God, such as I. It means... that I am becoming willing to make amends.

"Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all." (Step 8)

"Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;" (Acts 3:19)

"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stand in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me the strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen." (Alcoholics Anonymous p. 76)

As we repent and become converted, we do need strength to do God's bidding, but just how does that work? In my 25 years of practicing my addictive behavior, I continually asked God for more strength of will to resist those temptations that so easily beset me, but to no avail. Yet, in recovery, as I surrender my will to His, during those temptations, He always gives me the victory.

So... what changed? Using my will to surrender myself to God, more than for fighting the temptation was key. But recently, I received some additional insight from a study of these words of Jesus: "Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you." (Luke 10:19).

Let's look at just a piece of this verse: "Behold, I give unto you power... over all the power of the enemy...". The word "power" is used twice in this verse, right? Well, when looking at the original language (Greek), we see that two different words were used. The first word is "exousia", which could have been translated as "authority". The second word is "dunamis", which could have been translated as "ability".

If we use this alternate translation, we have this: "Behold, I give you authority over all the ability of the enemy". That makes a BIG difference to me! You see, in my addictive behavior, I was asking God for the ability to resist the ability of the enemy. I realize now that just isn't going to happen, and it never did. But what does happen is that, as I surrender my will to God's, He gives me the authority to say "NO" to the enemy, as I say "YES" to God. Now that's the power I need :-)

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you..." (James 4:7-8)

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

After discovering what my issues are, and confessing them, I realize that, of myself, I can do no good thing (John 5:19,30). And, I know that without God's help I will surely fail (John 15:5). But, do I have the faith and trust in God to repent -- to believe that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)

For 120 years, God used Noah to plead with the people to repent, and join Noah in the safety of the ark. "And now the servant of God made his last solemn appeal to the people. With an agony of desire that words cannot express, he entreated them to seek a refuge while it might be found. Again they rejected his words, and raised their voices in jest and scoffing." (Patriarchs and Prophets 97.3) They would not get into the boat. They refused to let go of their issues and enter into the safety of the ark.

Today, God pleads with us, just as He did with the people of Noah's day, for "The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent" (2 Peter 3:9). And So, I must ask myself, "Will I get in the boat?" Will I choose to let go of my "comforts" that I may find true peace and happiness? Or, will I continue to cling tenaciously to my old ways -- doing the same destructive things over and over again, expecting different results?

What about you? Are you ready to let go, and let God...? Are you ready for God to remove your defects of character? If so, "God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others" (2 Corinthians 9:8). "In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation" (1 Peter 5:10). "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen." (Ephesians 3:20,21)

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." (Step 6)

"He that covereth his transgressions shall not prosper; But whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall obtain mercy." (Proverbs 28:13). "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." (James 5:16).

"Perhaps the single greatest barrier to recovery is the inability to be honest". (Steps to Serenity, page 46)

"The only reason why we do not have remission of sins
that are past is that we are not willing to humble our hearts
and comply with the conditions of the word of truth.
Explicit instruction is given concerning this matter.
Confession of sin, whether public or private, should be heartfelt
and freely expressed." Ellen White (Steps to Christ, 38)

My unresolved issues isolated me from other people and from God. But, as I began to be honest with myself, God and with others, those barriers of isolation began to come down. I started to feel better about myself - my sense of shame was reduced. A common saying in 12-Step is, "We are only as sick as our secrets". There is a lot of truth to this.

Friend, if you are encumbered with a load of guilt and shame, I invite you to enter into this ancient, Christian tradition of confession. Jesus died on that cruel, old rugged cross to pay the penalty for your sins, and mine. And He is longing now to bless us with a new and better life, but He needs us to come out of denial and confess our sins.

For, "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:8-9)

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." (Step 5)

It has been said that our eyes are the window to our soul (Matthew 6:22-23). Does it make you nervous when people don't look you in the eye? It does me. It especially bothers me when a dog won't look me in the eye. I once had a dog like that. I couldn't trust him. If there was anyway he could get through the gate or over or under the fence, he'd be gone. He wouldn't even think of coming when I called. A dog I have now is just the opposite. He always looks me in the eye. It's as if he is trying to see what I'm thinking. If I give him the look he wants, he's immediately in my lap. We're nose to nose and he's expecting some loving attention.

I want to be more like my dog in my relationship with my Benevolent Master. As I look into His eyes of Infinite Love -- though I only see dimly now (1 Corinthians 13:12) -- I always find the look that I want. It's the look of acceptance, no matter how bad my behavior has been. It's the look of understanding, having been tempted in all points like I am (Hebrews 4:15) (Hebrews 2:18). It's the look of compassion. It's the look of forgiveness. It's the look of unconditional Love.

More than all of this, when I look into the eyes of Love, I see the eyes of Infinite Holiness. I am thankful for the dimness of my vision, for no sinful being, with clear vision, can look into the eyes of Holiness and live. Saul, on the road to Damascus, was blinded by only a partial exposure to the Holy eyes of Jesus (Acts 9:1-6). The contrast between the light of Holiness and Saul's character was so extreme as to cause a searching moral inventory of his sinful life.

And so it is with me. I no longer fear to look into His eyes of Holiness, because I trust Him to dim my vision so that I will only see as much as He gives me strength to bare. And I trust Him to clean me up, as I cooperate with Heavenly agencies. That's my God! You can trust my God :-)

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." (Step 4)

For me, turning my will and my life over to the care of God consistently is pivotal. Without this constant trust in God and surrender to His will, it is impossible for me to continue my recovery process. It is impossible for me to be engaged in the sanctification process. Oh, I may go through the motions..., but if I'm not surrendered to God, I'll make a mess of it all.

When I AM surrendered to God in all my known choices, it is God who works in me to will and to do His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13) and that is infinitely better than I could do on my own.

When bad things happen (and they surely will), I must remember that God uses these faith-trying experiences to teach me patience -- to strengthen my character (James 1:2-4), as I constantly trust and obey my Loving Heavenly Father's leading. Painful though it can be, I know that I need all the character development that I can get. It is hard to "count it all joy... (vs 2)" and to "glory in the tribulations" (Romans 5:3) in the heat of the trial. But as I trust in God and obey His leading, I do have joy that, through it all, God is right there with me, helping me, protecting me, working in me to do His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13) -- changing me to be more like Jesus. What could be better than that?

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." (Step 3)

Have you ever been treated inappropriately by people who seem to be, or even claim to be, God's chosen vessels on Earth? What about the abusive parent who tried to put the "fear of god" into you? What about the look-good-on-the-outside church member who gossips behind your back about you? What about the church officer who won't help you in your time of need (Luke 10:30-32)? And, what about a church pastor who accuses you of the unpardonable sin because you question his theology?

Have you ever wondered why so many bad things happen to you? Have you asked, "Where was God when...?", or wonder, "Why did God let that happen to me?", or even dare to think, "Why did God do that to me?!" As a Christian, it may seem unthinkable to to voice these questions, but I have discovered that these concerns are common -- even among seemingly devout, church going, Christians.

It is a great temptation to distrust God when things like these happen. It's easy to start believing that God really doesn't care about "me". We may even come to believe that God is abusive. Because of this, Step 2 is a difficult step for many -- even for Christians.

Yet, we feel this great need for help and comfort from a power greater than ourselves. In Step one, we admitted that we were powerless and out-of-control. So now, we really need a greater power, who will restore us to sanity (Step 2). But, is the God of our understanding willing, or even able, to do that for us? Maybe not.

But wait. Is the God of our understanding really the true God? Is it possible that the powers of evil have used their servants, masquerading as Christians, to convince us that God is evil?

If that is true, then one might ask, "Why doesn't God do something about it?" Why doesn't he step in and remove that pastor who teaches lies and makes false accusations? Why doesn't God stop the abusive parent from harming his/her children? Why doesn't He remove those unhelpful church officers from their positions? WHERE IS THE JUSTICE!! In considering possible answers to those questions, it may be helpful for us to look at a bigger, more encompassing, question: When Adam and Eve first sinned, why didn't God just wipe them out and start over again with me? Certainly I would have made better choices... or... would I?

More and more, I am coming to believe that God values our freedom of choice above most everything. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to serve a god who doesn't give me a choice as to whether I serve him or not. I am trying to see more of the big picture -- the great controversy between Christ and satan. It is satan and his servants that bring evil to us in this world. Those people who should be examples of God's love and mercy (professed Christians) are not choosing God's way when they abuse us. They are choosing to listen to another voice -- the voice of evil.

I shudder to think of how many times I have listened to the wrong voice and treated others in a less-than-Christian-like way. And, I am thankful that God does not strike me down for making bad choices. So, why do I want Him to do evil to other people who also make bad choices? That's just not God's way. "The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9).

I must agree with Paul when he said, "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:11-13). I invite you to look, with me, at Psalms 23 where God promises to be with us in the "valley of the shadow of death" and where He promises to "prepare a table" for us in the presence of our enemies.

"Jehovah is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul: He guideth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou hast anointed my head with oil; My cup runneth over. Surely goodness and lovingkindness shall follow me all the days of my life; And I shall dwell in the house of Jehovah for ever." (Psalms 23:1-6).

This is the God of my understanding -- a God of love and mercy. This is the God that is restoring me to sanity. This is the God I love. Won't you join me now in serving the true God of Love?

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." (Step 2)

Egotistic: Thinking very highly of oneself; vain; boastful; indifferent to the well-being of others; basically... selfish.

Altruistic: benevolent; considerate; generous; humanitarian; kind; basically... self-sacrificing.

The Christian walk, to me, seems to be one of a lifetime of progression. It often begins with a highly egotistical view of life with a perception that "I am the center of my world. It's all about me". Then, as we allow the love of God to constrain us (2 Cor 5:14), we become less focused on ourselves and more focused on God; more interested in the welfare of others; more altruistic.

For me, a great place to start (and keep coming back to) in this process is to remind myself of the words of Jesus, when He said "I can of mine own self do nothing... I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father" (John 5:19,30). That's humbling... Why should I think more highly of myself, than Jesus thought of Himself? I want to be more like Jesus :-)

"For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith." (Romans 12:3)

"We admitted we were powerless over our problems, that our lives had become unmanageable." (Step 1)

The year was 1994. Having sunk lower than a snake's belly in my behaviors, I heard something that gave me hope. I heard the testimonies of several individuals who were, by the power of God, having consistent and lasting victory over temptation to do those things that had controlled them for many years, and had brought them and others a great deal of pain. Could it be, I wondered, if there might be a way out of my painful behaviors, which had controlled me for 25 years?

As I began to realize my powerlessness, and the all-powerfulness of a LOVING God who wanted to deliver me from my addictions, I began to become willing to surrender my heart and my life to Him. Just as soon as I began to surrender myself to Him in the moment of temptation, He began to deliver me. I began to have victory over temptations that I had previously believed to be impossible. What Jesus said about Him being the vine is certainly true: "I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." (John 15:5). And, it's also true that, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13).

I PRAISE GOD for His faithfulness to deliver me from my besetting sins as I choose to trust and obey Him. This is why I write and facilitate small groups each week. I have a burning desire to share this spiritual awakening that I am having with others. If you are ever in the Walla Walla area, I would love to have you join me and others for a time of discovery and healing each and every Saturday morning. See the 12-Step Schedule for more information.

If you wish, you can read more of my testimony here, where I have written about the power of the will and throughout my recovery blog.

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." (Step 12)

"... as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And a voice said, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'"(1 Kings 19:11-13)

Many times I have wished that God would communicate to me in a strong voice, like a mighty wind, clearly stating His will for me, laying out a master plan that I could follow for years to come. But I don't hear Him speaking to me in that way. The closest to that is what I "hear" from His Holy Word. He provides me with a huge amount of instruction in the Bible, for which I'm thankful.

But what about that "gentle whisper" of God? Every day, there are times when a thought will pop into my mind, and I wonder, "where did that come from?". Sometimes, I recognize it as a temptation. But, often it seems to be the "gentle whisper" of God, saying, "This is the way, walk ye in it" (Isaiah 30:21). I'm trying hard to recognize that voice, in the midst of so many others. Sometimes it comes as a result of my prayer, asking for wisdom (James 1:5). Even then, it could be a long time afterward that I remember, "oh yeah, a while after I asked for wisdom, I got an idea that helped me solve that problem. Thank you Lord!"

Other times, it comes without my asking. One day, when I was taking our burnable trash to our wood-fired boiler, some papers on the top caught my attention, and that "gentle whisper" prompted me to look more carefully at those papers and ask around to make sure they were to be burned. I'm sorry to say that I dismissed that thought, and put them in the fire anyway. Later, I discovered that one of those papers was homework that my son hadn't yet turned in. God cares about the little things as well as the big. I read somewhere that He "is ever sending messages" to those who will listen.

Sometimes I wish that God was more pushy with his directives, but more and more I realize that God has a great deal of respect for our freedom of choice -- even when we make the wrong choice. Maybe that's why He says, "Come now, and let us reason together..." (Isaiah 1:18).

"The Lord says,
'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you.
Do not be like a senseless horse or mule
that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.'
Many sorrows come to the wicked,
but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord.
So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him!
Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!" (Psalm 32:8-11)

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." (Step 11)

"If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall" (1 Corinthians 10:12). "Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak" (Mark 14:38).

My Loving Heavenly Father is my constant companion, ever sending impressions of His will for me. I believe that He would never lead me in any way other than I would choose to be led -- if I could see the end from the beginning, as He does. When I surrender my carnal will to His all-knowing will, life is so much better. I still have difficult situations to deal with. But, I have the peace of God, knowing that He is right there with me, giving me guidance every step of the way. This is why it is my desire to continually seek His will, and choose to follow the impressions He gives me. I can always trust Him to provide a way for me to do what He asks. Even though I don't always do it, it is my deepest desire to live my life in humble submission to His will. This is why I continue to make an introspective inventory of my life, praying for wisdom and strength, and then making amends when I am convicted of my mistakes.

I believe that this process of recovery is synonymous with the process of sanctification, of which Ellen White makes this statement:

Why do we not dwell more upon this? Why do we not strive to make it easily understood, when it means so much? Why do not Christians open their eyes to see the work God requires them to do? Sanctification is the progressive work of a lifetime. The Lord declares, "This is the will of God, even your sanctification" (1 Thes 4:3). Is it your will that your desires and inclinations shall be brought into conformity to the divine will? (Selected Messages, Vol 3, 202.3)

"Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it." (Step 10)

"We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive... We must not just please ourselves. We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord. For even Christ didn’t live to please himself. As the Scriptures say, 'The insults of those who insult you, O God, have fallen on me.'" (Romans 15:1-3)

Nearly as important as our relationship with God, is the establishment of balanced interpersonal relationships. Extending forgiveness to those who have harmed us, leading to the making of amends (when appropriate) is important in bringing a satisfying balance to our relationships.

Possibly the greatest barrier to the making of amends is our pride. I know it's hard, but when you (and I) "Humble yourselves before the Lord", then "He will lift you up in honor" (James 4:10). When, in our humility, God lifts us up, it becomes possible for us to begin to edify others by forgiving their sins against us and become willing to make amends where we have offended...

My experience in the making of amends is that it is often a great bridge building process, bringing greater balance and satisfaction to my healthy relationships.

"Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." (Step 9)

Jesus said, "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matthew 21:22). Faith seems to be a large factor in whether we receive what we ask for, but in considering how we ask..., it may be well to consider this story:

"Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’ But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’"(Luke 18:9-13). My tendency is to be more like the Pharisee, looking on the faults of others, rather than humbly admitting my own weaknesses. But listen to what Jesus said about that, "I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." (Luke 18:14).

"Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;" (Acts 3:19). These "times of refreshing" come to us as we admit and surrender our issues to God. Whenever temptations to those sick behaviors come, is when the "rubber meets the road". That's when I must decide to put my will entirely on the side of God and trust in Him for deliverance. It is only then that He will work in me "both to will and to do of His good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13). When we do our part, we can be assured that God will do his part. That is how, I believe, He removes our shortcomings. Each time we cooperate with God in this way, we are gradually transformed to become more and more like Jesus. And that is my goal. Is it yours?

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

It is only by the mercies of God that we have come this far by faithfully following His leading through this healing process of recovery/sanctification. Now, we are invited to get ready for God to remove our defects which we so painfully identified and confessed. In getting ready, the apostle Paul portrays a state of humility, when he said, "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service." (Romans 12:1).

When we are entirely ready to let go of our defects of character, this "sacrifice" is holy and acceptable unto God. Paul continues, "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." (Romans 12:2). It is so easy to get entangled with worldly pursuits. But, we must remember that, whatever we behold, we become like. In order to be renewed to be more like Jesus, we need to behold Jesus a whole lot more, and the things of this world a whole lot less. Thus, our minds are renewed. God heals our defects of character. Thereby, we are transformed to become more and more like Jesus. Surely that must be "good, and acceptable", as the "perfect will of God" works both in us and through us.

"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:" (Philippians 2:5)

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." (Step 6)

Jesus says, "But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant. And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted." (Matthew 23:11-12)

The temptation is often to speak of our own "great works" -- trying to make ourselves look good to others -- maybe even in an attempt to make ourselves look better than others. We may even do it to try to make us feel better about ourselves. But Jesus gives us a strong warning against this kind of communication. Why? Well, I don't think He is being arbitrary. I'm convinced that He only wants the best for us.

When I try to hide the real me by focusing only on my good points (I might even exaggerate), those sins that so easily beset me gain power in my life. Worse yet, when I deny the existence of those weaknesses, there is no way that they can become strengths. It is only by facing my weaknesses and dealing with them -- in the strength of Jesus Christ -- that those weaknesses can be changed into strengths. That's why, in recovery circles, it is often said that "we are only as sick as our secrets".

When I give others a false picture of my life, it does them no good either. It could make them feel more inadequate and worthless if they think I have it all together, when they are hurting so badly as well. So what good is that?!

Why do we play these foolish games anyway? Why don't we just be honest with ourselves, with God, and with those we trust? When we do that, our weaknesses begin to loose their power over us and others will gather hope as they see the change in us. Then we can all praise God together :-)

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." (James 5:16)

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." (Step 5)

Planning trips can be most enjoyable, because of the anticipation of seeing (and learning) new things or maybe even enjoying again, places we've been before.

When I travel, it's not a fearful thing for me to look at the map to study where I've been, where I am, and to plan where to go next, and how to get there. In fact it's fun thing. Occasionally, it can be painful because I made a wrong turn, or failed to make the right turn. It may even cause frustration to my passengers, or to those who may be waiting for me at my destination. But, it's always good to get back on the right road and continue on toward my destination.

So, why then are we so fearful (when we travel the road of life) to study the map of where we've been, where we are, and where we want to go? Why do we naturally shrink from the idea of charting a new course for a better life?

"... My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: 6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. 7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?" (Hebrews 12:5-7)

It is painful to remember where I made wrong turns in my life, and how I caused pain for other people. But I must remember that "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9). It's like getting back on the right road again, and that's a good thing :-)

Why should I continue to drive in circles around the polluted slums of the inner-city, when I can follow the road map to the beautiful forests with fresh air? Likewise, why should I continue to live in the guilt and shame of the past when God has provided a road map to a better, more fulfilling life?

Why should I be fearful of taking inventory of my life -- no matter how dysfunctional it has been -- no matter how low I've sunk in depravity? God has a thousand ways to untangle our sinful lives and to make us new creatures in Christ. Won't you join me today in making a fearless moral inventory?

Let's chart a new course today that will bring us a more fulfilling life. "What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31). So let's plan our trip to Heaven...

"... I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end... Call upon me, ... and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall... find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. And... I will turn away your captivity" (Jeremiah 29:11-14)

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." (Step 4)

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9).

No one is so low and so vile that he can’t come to Jesus! Even though all our righteousness is like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6), He declares us to be righteous when we humbly come, confessing our sins. Then, He makes ample provision for us to live in righteousness. As we strive to overcome our natural and cultivated tendencies to sin, The Holy Angels of God are right by our side to protect us from satan’s fiery darts (Ephesians 6:16) and the Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth and righteousness. When I strive against the “roaring lion” and my own selfishness, God promises that He will not allow any temptation to come to me without providing victory for me (1 Corinthians 10:13). And, if God be for me, then who can stand against me?! (Romans 8:31). Satan has no power over me when I am fully surrendered to the God of love. This breastplate of righteousness (Ephesians 6:14) is God’s appointed protection for my spiritual life.

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13).

"The truly righteous, who sincerely love and fear God, wear the robe of Christ's righteousness in prosperity and adversity alike. Self-denial, self-sacrifice, benevolence, kindness, love, patience, fortitude, and Christian trust are the daily fruits borne by those who are truly connected with God. Their acts may not be published to the world, but they themselves are daily wrestling with evil, and gaining precious victories over tempta-tion and wrong… Each one will have a close struggle to overcome sin in his heart. This is at times a very painful and discouraging work; because, as we see the deformities in our character, we keep looking at them, when we should look to Jesus and put on the robe of His righteousness. Everyone who enters the pearly gates of the city of God will enter there as a conqueror, and his greatest conquest will have been the conquest of self." (God’s Amazing Grace, p 31)

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." (Step 3)

God says, “…My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in [your] weakness…” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

"Fear not... Let not your hands be slack. The LORD your God, in the midst of thee, is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing." (Zephaniah 3:16-17).

When under attack by the “roaring lion” who seeks to devour me, I not only see my own powerlessness, but I also see One that is mighty to de-liver me. Hopelessness is being swallowed up by the blessed hope of a better life – a life of victory, where once was only defeat. If I put my full trust in God, will he really defeat the enemy, in my behalf? “Humble your-selves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time” (1 Peter 5:6).

“The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God…” (2 Corinthians 10:4). “13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and hav-ing on the breastplate of righteousness; 15 and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: 18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication…” (Ephesians 6:13-18).

“… We give thee thanks, O LORD God Almighty, which art, and wast, and art to come; because thou hast taken to thee thy great power, and hast reigned” (Revelation 11:17).

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." (Step 2)

Jesus said, "... The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do... I can of mine own self do nothing... I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me." (John 5:19,30). Whenever I read these amazing words of Jesus, I am both humbled and encouraged.

I am humbled to realize that neither can I do anything good without God (John 15:5). It is part of my personality to be a get-it-done kind of guy. That's not a bad thing. But if I do it my way, rather than God's way, I am destined to failure. And, if I try to do things that God is not calling me to do, it profits me nothing -- I'm likely to fail.

I am encouraged to realize that I can experience power in my life, as Jesus did, in spite of my own powerlessness. The apostle Paul once said, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13). So then, the question I have to ask myself is, "Will I cooperate with God? Will I be honest about my own powerlessness and choose to trust and obey Him? Or, will I continue to do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results?"

"We admitted we were powerless over our problems, that our lives had become unmanageable." (Step 1)

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, as you also may be tempted. (Galatians 6:1)

Witness:
Jesus said, "... Go home to your friends, and tell them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He has had compassion on you." (Mark 5:19) A response of Paul: "And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry, although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; ... And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, to God who alone is wise, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen." (1 Timothy 1:12-17)

I was nearly four years into recovery when I first read though the steps of 12-Step recovery. As I read, I was amazed at how these steps paralleled my own experience, as God had led me through these very same steps! But, one thing was missing. For some time, I had been feeling the need to share what God was doing in my life. However, because of the nature of my primary addiction, I didn't know how to "safely" do that. Christian 12-Step recovery groups provided that "safe" place that I needed. Then, as my recovery process progressed, I began to be able to share more freely. As a result, I have taken advantage of many more witnessing opportunities. This is why I share with you today. I believe that what God is doing in my life, He wants to do for you as well.

Practice:
Paul: "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified." (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

Some believe that, in the process of recovery/sanctification, our carnal human nature is somehow removed and our default behavior becomes spiritual. However, I haven't found that in scripture, or in my own personal experience. I have, however, found the process to be progressive (Great Controversy 470.1). Those "sins that so easily beset me" no longer control me. They are more easily resisted through my surrender to God. But my Christian walk is still a battle - a battle against my self - "the greatest battle that was ever fought" (Steps to Christ 43). Knowing this helps me to remain focused on my Savior, my friend, and my God, Jesus Christ. For, without Him, I can do nothing (John 15:5). But, with Him, I can do all things that He wills (Philippians 4:13).

I invite you to join me in my commitment to more closely follow Jesus.

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." (Step 12)

"...he who comes to God must believe that he is, and that he rewards them that diligently seek him." (Hebrews 11:6)

For me, it is relatively easy to have faith in the word of God, as expressed in the Bible. I grew up with the Bible and believe that it's writings are inspired by God. But where it's harder to have faith is when the "rubber hits the road", so to speak. When life gets hard; when bad things happen; when my will is crossed; those are the times when faith becomes more of a challenge. Those are the times when my trust in God and His Holy Word is tested.

It is vital for me to diligently seek God. You see, if I have not been improving upon my "conscious contact with God" by regularly spending time in prayer, and Bible study, then my faith becomes weak in challenging times. But, If I have been spending quality time with God, then my faith is stronger. I'm much more likely to trust God when trouble comes. I'm much more likely to hear His promptings and to "die to self", choosing to follow His leading.

There is a lot of talk these days about relationship, and I need a saving relationship with God. But some of the talk in Christian circles tends to minimize the role of the Bible (particularly the Ten Commandments) and denies the existence of satan and his host of evil angels. Of course if there were no tempter, things would be different. But, since there is, it is difficult for me to always know which voice is speaking to me. It could be the voice of God, but it could also be the voice of evil telling me things that sound pleasing. Or, it could also be the voice of my own thoughts and feelings, based on my learning history. Because of this, it is VITAL for me to be grounded in the Word of God. The Bible is the only place I can be sure to find truth. Maybe that's why the apostle Paul said, "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." (2 Timothy 2:15).

Continuing in this kind of saving relationship with God involves choices that go against what I want to do or say, but God is faithful to give us what it takes to make good choices (1 Corinthians 10:13). And when we follow through, making those hard decisions to follow God's leading, it is our privilege to enter into the peace that only God can give. "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7). And, in times of trouble, what could be better than that?

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." (Step 11)

As I continue to take my personal inventory, I must ask myself, "Am I living as a dead man?" Paul describes this experience in his letter to the Galatians: "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20). Do I go to the "cross" when my children, wife, or others irritate me? Do I surrender myself to God in times of these (and other) temptations? Do I always choose to serve God, rather than my own selfish desires? Do I trust that God will deliver me from these things when I die to myself, and choose to obey Him?

When I do what I can, even if it isn't much, I've found that God is always there to do His part. This is one of my favorite quotes: "The heavenly intelligences will work with the human agent who seeks with determined faith that perfection of character which will reach out to perfection in action. To everyone engaged in this work Christ says, I am at your right hand to help you. As the will of man co-operates with the will of God, it becomes omnipotent. Whatever is to be done at His command may be accomplished in His strength. All His biddings are enablings." {Christ's Object Lessons 332-333}

But, what about when I don't "die" (surrender myself to God), and I fall? Am I willing to promptly admit my mistake to God and to the person I've harmed? Today, It's easy for me to admit it to God, because I've learned to trust Him. But it's usually harder to admit it to people. Yet, it sure makes me feel better about myself when I do. Try it! "It works if you work it, and YOU ARE WORTH IT!"

My prayer for you today is "That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen." (Ephesians 3:17-21)

"Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it." (Step 10)

It's challenging to be real with myself. There are always temptations to either, think more highly of myself than I should, or to beat myself up for my foolishness. But God calls us to be honest -- to be real. I need to realize and acknowledge my weaknesses, while praising God for the strength and the victories He gives me.

"For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith." (Romans 12:3). "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith Jehovah. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8,9)

When I come to God, realizing that I am a sinful mortal man, approaching the almighty God of the universe, I come in humility, asking Him to remove my character defects. For, all I have to offer Him is my will (choosing to follow Him, while knowing that I can't do it on my own) and my great need. But, because of the amazing sacrifice that Jesus became for me, I can "come boldly unto the throne of grace, that [I] may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16). And that's infinitely more than I deserve. PRAISE GOD!

"Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord, According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust." (2 Peter 1:2-4)

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

It's pretty easy to say that I'm ready for God to remove all my defects of character. Likewise, it is also easy to ask Him to take away those sins that so easily beset me. And, I'd like to think that all I have to do is ask God to put the proverbial bit in my mouth and lead me around like a horse, according to His good pleasure. But I remember what God said about that: "Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle..." (Psalms 32:9). And then I remember Romans 6...

"What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof." (Romans 6:1-3,11-12)

I see now that this involves me more than my lazy SELF would like. In fact, this means death to my SELF. And, just like Jesus voluntarily laid down His life to pay the penalty for my sins, so must I choose to die to my old behaviors that have led to my defects in character. It seems that it is when I die to SELF that God works to remove my defects of character.

In a practical sense, it works for me like this... A temptation comes... It could be any kind of temptation that tries to lead me into sin. I recognize my powerlessness). I believe in Christ as my only hope of victory. Then I choose to surrender my will and life to my Savior, and ask Him what I should do (Acts 9:6). This is how I die to SELF. Rather than SELF stubbornly battling with satan for the victory, I must use my will to surrender SELF to God. This is when He gives me the victory! This is how, I believe, God transforms my character -- a little at a time. More about the will...

You may wonder if this will work for you. I challenge you to try it. Taste and see that the Lord is good, then He will do exceedingly more for you (and through you) than you have ever imagined (Ephesians 3:20).

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." (Step 6)

"And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry." (Luke 15:20-24)

That's my God! He doesn't even wait for our confession. He loves us so much that He runs to meet us wherever we are, no matter how low we have sunk, throwing His arms of love around us. Not only God, but "Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth." (Luke 15:10).

So, why is it that we tend to be so reticent to be honest and confess to our self, to God, and to at least one other trusted human, our true condition? For me, I think the answer can be summed up in one word -- fear.

We all have a deep need to be accepted, appreciated and loved. Also, we all have a tempter -- an enemy. Satan and his evil host will do everything they can to take us down with them.

Just as the Prodigal expected to, at best, become one of his father's servants, so the enemy tells us that we will be rejected and hated if we come confessing our faults -- being honest about who we really are. But nothing could be further from the truth.

Satan is a liar, my friend! This is the truth: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9). Not only that, but healing also comes as we confess (in a safe venue) to others. That's why the Bible says, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." (James 5:16).

Christian 12-Step, other confidential small groups, and trusted Christian friends provide that kind of safe place where we can confess and be prayed for. Praise God for small spiritual groups!

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." (Step 5)

As Christians, we believe that, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9). So, why then should we make "a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves"? Doesn't God just erase our past? No. He forgives and cleanses, but He doesn't give us amnesia.

It's been said that, the most powerful thing we can do for the kingdom of God, is to witness to others of the way that God is working in our lives to heal our dysfunction. If that's true, then how are we going to do that if we can't remember what our dysfunction was? How are we going to overcome, not only by the blood of the Lamb, but also by the word of our testimony (Revelation 12:11), if we have no testimony of what we used to be like?

I know that, for me, I have a choice. Either I can choose to continue to evaluate my life (and deal with it), or I will revert back to the insane cycle of repeating the same negative behaviors over and over again, while expecting different results.

"Take heed therefore that the light which is in thee be not darkness. If thy whole body therefore be full of light, having no part dark, the whole shall be full of light, as when the bright shining of a candle doth give thee light." (Luke 11:35-36)

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." (Step 4)

"Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." (Mark 9:23)

God had delivered Mike from most of his chemical addictions, but his addiction to nicotine was stronger than ever. It was especially hard in the small town in which he lived. Safeway was the only grocery store and because of the way the store was arranged, he had to walk right by the cigarettes in order to get to the groceries.

He had tried the "5-day plan", patches and every other method of quitting that he had heard of. He quit smoking many times, only to pick them up again at a weak moment. Mike was about to give up when, as he was reading in his Bible, a story caught his attention. It was the story of blind Bartimaeus (Mark 10:46-52).

As Jesus was leaving Jericho one day, with the typical large crowd of noisy people surrounding Him, blind Bart happened to be sitting beside that same road begging. When he asked a passer-by what all the commotion was about, he was told that it was Jesus of Nazareth.

That was all Bart needed to know. You see, Bart had heard of the love of Jesus, and knew he could trust Him. He believed that Jesus could bring healing to him. So, he immediately began to cry out, "Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me!" Many told him to be quiet, but he cried out all the more, "Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me!" Finally Jesus heard Bart's pleas for help, came to him, and healed his vision.

This was exactly what Mike needed to know. Hope began to well up in his heart. Since Jesus healed Bart of his blindness, then surely He would heal Mike of his nicotine addiction. It was then that he purposed in his heart, that whenever he was tempted, he would cry out, "Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me!" Seriously, he really did do this -- verbally, out loud! He told me, "People look at you funny when you do that in Safeway... but you don't smoke cigarettes. No, you don't smoke cigarettes."

After Mike began to trust in God enough to surrender himself to Jesus in his weakness, he never smoked another cigarette -- for the rest of his life.

It may not be nicotine, but we all have negative behaviors that easily beset us. Friends, it matters not what your weakness is. Jesus is willing, able, and longing to deliver you too. You can trust Him. Even if you turn away from Him, He will never leave you, nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

"And Jesus said unto him, Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole. And immediately he received his sight, and followed Jesus in the way." (Mark 10:52)

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." (Step 3)

I believe that there are only two great powers in the Universe. There’s the power of good – the power of infinite, unimaginable love. This is the power that gives us humans the freedom of choice, as to whom we will serve. Then, there is the power of evil – unimaginable evil. This is the power that continually strives to enslave us through his deviant lies. We commonly refer to these two great powers as God and the enemy, or satan.

But there is a problem using the name God, when referring to this great and wonderful power of love. This is largely due to the fact that the vast majority of people who call themselves Christian exhibit behaviors that mirror the attitudes of the enemy – behaviors that are far from being that of a loving, higher-power. I am qualified to speak of this, because, in so doing, I am speaking of myself. You see, I have been a “Christian” all my life. But, in spite of that, I’ve had all these deviant behaviors, and I’m quite sure that, as a result of this, I have turned many off to Christianity. So, what’s with that? I went to church every weekend. I studied my Bible. I held offices in the church. Most people thought of me as a good Christian. I talked the “talk”, but I sure didn’t walk the “walk”.

More recently, it has become clear to me that there are very few spiritual Christians in church – any church. In fact, there is some pretty good evidence that there are more spiritual Christians outside of the church than there are on the inside. Now, I need to be very clear right now that I’m not speaking against belonging to a church. I love my church and I have no intention of leaving it.

My point is this: if you have been offended by so-called “Christians”, as I have been, I want to apologize to you right now. As far as I know, I’ve not offended any of you, but I have offended many. And this, I deeply regret. So please, do not let evil behavior of carnal Christians skew your view of God. When I exhibit deviant behavior, I am NOT representing my Heavenly Father but rather the father of all evil – satan himself. You see, satan would have us to believe that God is evil and he will go to any length to achieve his goals.

So, who is this God that I am learning to love more and more each passing day? This is the God who left the place of infinite glory and power to become a tiny, helpless human infant in this horribly evil and primitive world. This is the God who grew to human manhood without using His Divine power to in anyway help His own human flesh. This is the God who can help me, because He was tempted in all points like as I am, while NEVER yielding to the constant temptations of satan. This is the God, who in human flesh, admitted, that of Himself, He could do NOTHING. That’s my Jesus! Jesus gives me courage to admit to myself, and others, that I can, of myself, do no good thing.

Jesus is the God who blessed and healed every honest soul who He came in contact with. Jesus is the God who allowed Himself to be falsely accused and beaten unmercifully without one word of complaint. Jesus is the God who while being nailed to that old rugged cross, cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!” Jesus is the God who died to pay the penalty for my sins and yours, and then was raised again to newness of life, just as we have the privilege to do when we take up our cross and follow Him. That’s my Jesus! That’s my God!

My God loves you and me with an everlasting, infinite love that we cannot even begin to fathom! Do you know my Jesus? Do you love my Jesus? In my carnal nature, I have sunk lower than a snake’s belly and yet He has always been there for me with His unconditional love to pick me up and gently guide me from where I was to a better place. That’s my Jesus!

If you have drifted away from God, do realize how easy it is to come back? Even if you’ve never given your heart to God, His arms are open wide right now to totally accept you as one of His chosen ones. All He needs is your heart. The Bible says, if you will confess your sins to Him that He will not only freely forgive you, but He will also cleanse you from all unrighteousness! This is justification – He wipes your record clean, just as if you had never sinned! He replaces your past, sinful record with Jesus’ perfect record. He will give you a fresh, new start! Praise God!!

Continued...

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." (Step 2)

The battle is raging. The artillery of our enemy is aimed to destroy each and every one of us. If we do nothing, we will surely die! The enemy we face has been in battle for thousands of years and has millions of warriors at his command. Unprotected, we will not survive, "for we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places" (Ephesians 6:12). Our "...adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour" (1 Peter 5:8). If we live life our way and on our terms, we will surely fail. We CANNOT be the master of our own destiny.

After trying to fight this battle on my own for many years I finally came to understand that I was powerless. My life had become unmanageable, and I was helpless to do anything about it. The good news is that, in retrospect, I see now that this is exactly where I need to be. "For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself." (Galatians 6:3)

In a battle, it seems strange to admit powerlessness, still expecting victory. But, humble honesty about our true condition is vital in being able to proceed to the next step toward engaging in the war that we MUST win.

"We admitted we were powerless over our problems, that our lives had become unmanageable." (Step 1)

Thankfulness
Early in recovery there came to me a burning desire to share with others what amazing things the Lord had been doing in my life. My thankfulness to God and to those who showed me the way was overwhelming. But, for fear of what people would think or do, I wasn't able to share, as I would have liked. It was several years before I discovered a Christian 12-Step group. I wasn't interested, at first, because I had heard many negative comments about groups like this. But, when I came to realize that 12-Step taught the very same things that I had been learning (by the grace of Christ), I decided to give it a try. It was there that I found the safe, warm place that I needed so that I could share the wonderful victories that God was working in my life.

No sooner does one come to Christ
than there is born in his heart
a desire to make known to others
what a precious friend he has found in Jesus.
(Steps to Christ, p. 78)

Vigilance
When I think of the last part of Step 12, "we tried ... to practice these principles in all our affairs", the one word that comes to mind is "vigilance". One dictionary definition is, "The quality or state of being watchful and alert to danger or trouble". I have spent much of my time, since the beginning of my recovery in 1994, studying, praying about, and contemplating just what it is that causes me to gain the victory over those sins that so easily beset me. The apostle Paul put it this way, "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us," (Hebrews 12:1).

In a practical way, I've often wondered how can I concisely describe the way this works (when I work it) in my own life. Let me start by saying that I believe that I have been in error on two opposite extremes. The first was when I used vigilance in my personal determination to beat those temptations, expecting God to help me do it my own way. For 25 years, this didn't work for me. The second was when I used vigilance in my devotion to God; well at least I paid Him lip service, expecting that He would remove the temptations from me. But neither of those methods brought lasting victory over my negative behaviors. It is only when I am vigilant in my devotion to God (willing to do things His way), and (at the same time) vigilant in my determination to resist the temptation with all the power that I have (no matter how little that may be), that God gives me the victory.

James said it this way, "He gives us even more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say, 'God opposes the proud but favors the humble.' So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world." (James 4:6-8).

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." (Step 12)

"Be [anxious] for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." (Philippians 4:6)

It's tempting for me to be anxious when life gets hard, forgetting that no matter how hard it gets, God is still there for me. I must remind myself that "... God is faithful, who will not suffer you [or me] to be tempted above that [we] are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that [we] may be able to bear it." (1 Corinthians 10:13).

It's easy for me to get anxious about all the things I think I need to do. But am I seeking God's will as to what HE would have me to do? Maybe I'm taking on more than what He has directed me to do.

Whenever I humbly seek God in prayer -- letting my concerns be known to Him, surrendering my anxiousness to Him, and seeking His will for me -- He gives me wisdom. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." (James 1:5). And, He gives me peace. "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7)

The Father's presence encircled Christ, and nothing befell Him but that which infinite love permitted for the blessing of the world. Here was His source of comfort, and it is for us. He who is imbued with the Spirit of Christ abides in Christ. The blow that is aimed at him falls upon the Saviour, who surrounds him with His presence. Whatever comes to him comes from Christ. He has no need to resist evil, for Christ is his defense. Nothing can touch him except by our Lord's permission, and "all things" that are permitted "work together for good to them that love God." (Romans 8:28). {Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing 71}

For these things, and so much more, especially the infinite sacrifice that Jesus made to save me, I am eternally grateful to God. So, when life gets tough, and when life gets hectic, I must look to the author of my eternal salvation (Hebrews 5:9), and focus on the best things...

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." (Philippians 4:8)

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." (Step 11)

"A man’s goings are established of Jehovah; And he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For Jehovah upholdeth him with his hand." (Psalms 37:23,24)

I have been acquainted with many people who, like me, have begged God to remove their shortcomings, to no avail. Some have become quite bitter because they are still plagued by these sins that so easily beset us. We claim the text, "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13). But we tend to assume more than was likely intended, expecting God to work in us without our cooperation. Let's look at it again, in context:

"Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world; Holding forth the word of life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ, that I have not run in vain, neither laboured in vain." (Philippians 2:9-16).

This passage speaks of worship, humility, and striving -- through fear and trembling -- to obey God through Jesus Christ our savior. It seems to me that, when I cooperate with God, He then works in me according to His good pleasure, in His way, which is in my best interest. Of course I can't see the "end from the beginning", as He does. But, I've seen enough of His positive working in my life to trust that He is making all things new, and that His ways are true and faithful (Rev 21:5).

God says, "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will counsel thee with mine eye upon thee. Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding; Whose trappings must be bit and bridle to hold them in, Else they will not come near unto thee." (Psalms 32:8,9). In my humble opinion, it's all about cooperating with God, in humility. I don't expect (or even want) Him to force me to go His way as the rider forces his horse with bit and bridle. What about you? Have you been expecting God to change you, without your cooperation, as I, and many others, have?

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

Now that I've identified my major issues in my introspective inventory, and confessed them, I must decide whether I am willing to let these things go. It's not a question as to whether I am able to turn away from my destructive behavior, because I CAN NOT.

My understanding of the question posed to me in 1994, was something like this: "If it were possible for you to stop doing those destructive behaviors that you have identified and confessed, would you? Or, do you want to continue to do things that bring you temporary pleasure, at the cost of lasting pain?" After 25 years of pain, I was ready for something better.

I knew that, of myself, I could do nothing (John 5:19,30). I knew that without God's help I would continue to fail (John 15:5). But would I have faith enough to believe that, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)? Here are some quotes that brought (and continue to bring) me great hope:

"Through the right exercise of the will, an entire change may be made in the life. By yielding up the will to Christ, we ally ourselves with divine power. We receive strength from above to hold us steadfast. A pure and noble life, a life of victory over appetite and lust, is possible to everyone who will unite his weak, wavering human will to the omnipotent, unwavering will of God." (Ministry of Healing page 176)

"As the will of man co-operates with the will of God, it becomes omnipotent. Whatever is to be done at His command may be accomplished in His strength. All His biddings are enablings." (Christ's Object Lessons, page 333)

Even now, as God prompts me to change, I must make a conscience decision to allow God to "will and to do of his good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13) in my life, so that He can continue to remove my defects of character.

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." (Step 6)

"How are you? Oh, I'm fine. How are you doing? I'm doing good..." That dialog often ends with each person thinking, "I'm glad they have it all together, but I'm a mess".

Have you ever wished that you could break out of that routine and just be honest about how you really feel? Do you realize that these feelings are Biblical? The Bible says, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." (James 5:16).

Many Christians tend to shy away from confession. After-all, some believe in confessing our sins to a priest to receive forgiveness from God. And we know that forgiveness of sin can only come from God, which He gives freely (1 John 1:9). But does that negate James 5:16? Certainly not!

When we confess our faults to another person, we don't do it to receive Heaven's forgiveness. We do it because we truly are only as sick as our secrets. We don't do it because that other person needs to know (even though that other person often benefits from it). We do it because it is part of our healing process. It helps us to come out (and to stay out) of denial when we hear ourselves saying it. It helps to make us accountable, because now someone else knows... Even if we stopped there, this would be powerful medicine to aid in our healing.

But James 5:16 invites us to take it a step further. When we confess our faults to a trusted Christian and that person prays for us, the power of God is unleashed on our behalf, and for our healing. And that is even more powerful medicine!

Do you participate in this ancient Christian tradition of Biblical confession? Do you have a safe person that you can trust, or trusted small group where you can practice the power of confession? If not, I encourage you to plead with God to bring you to the right person/group where your healing can be accelerated, through the power of God.

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." (Step 5)

"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us," (Heb 12:1)

I've been thinking about why it is that I need to make a "searching and fearless moral inventory" of myself. And what is it that I hope to accomplish by doing this?

If I really believe and am practicing the first three steps, then it seems that I need to do what I can (no matter how little that may be) to understand and deal with those things that are preventing God (my Higher Power) from restoring me to sanity (Step 2). The Bible tells us that it is sin that separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2). But what is sin? It seems to me that there is only one definition of sin in the Bible. Here it is: "Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law." (1 John 3:4).

Therefore, as part of my moral inventory, I need to confess all my known sins. By so doing, God restores that union between me and Him (1 John 1:9). I also need to consider what my besetting sins (Heb 12:1) are -- those things that regularly cause me to fall to temptation. I need to understand these things so that I can continue in this recovery process -- so that I can cooperate with God as He works to change me to be more like Him.

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." (Step 4)