Sid's Recovery

"Blessed is the man whose strength is in thee; In whose heart are the highways to Zion. Passing through the valley of Weeping they make it a place of springs; Yea, the early rain covereth it with blessings. They go from strength to strength; Every one of them appeareth before God in Zion." (Psalms 84:5-7)

Life is a journey. Sometimes we have mountaintop experiences and other times, we are in the valley of despair. But I've found that through it all, as I choose to trust in God, that all things work together for good (Romans 8:28). It's great to have the mountaintop experiences, but it's in times of trouble that I lean on Him most heavily. It's in times of trouble that I see Him working most in my life to bring me to a better place. And it's in trusting and obeying Him in those hard times that helps to build my character to become more like Jesus.

"For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, Than to dwell in the tents of wickedness. For Jehovah God is a sun and a shield: Jehovah will give grace and glory; No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. O Jehovah of hosts, Blessed is the man that trusteth in thee." (Psalms 84:10-12)

Sometimes God's blessings are disguised as trouble and trials, but He is always close by, providing a shield to protect us against more than we can handle (1 Cor 10:13). As a result, we come out of trouble a better person than before. Even though I often don't understand now, I believe that I would not choose to be led by God any differently than He leads me now, if I could see the end from the beginning, as He does.

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." (Step 11)

As I continue to take a daily personal inventory of myself, I first consider my relationship with God. Am I still yielding my will to His? Do I still trust Him enough to surrender my self to Him in the moment of temptation?

Then I must consider my human relationships. Is there anyone whom I have wronged that I've not made amends to? If so, not only do I need to pursue the making of amends, but it's also helpful to try to identify why I did that. Are my basic needs, as a human being not being met?

The book, "Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery" identifies five components (starting on page 67) of this ongoing recovery process:

1) Are my basic human need for love, acceptance, and security being met? And do I even recognize those needs?

2) What are my feelings? Am I hiding feelings of grief that need to be expressed? Am I having feelings of rejection? I especially need to watch for feelings of resentment because "resentment covers anger, anger covers hurt, hurt usually covers fear, and ... the deepest fear is that our basic human needs are not going to be met."

3) Am I using any codependent and/or addictive means of trying to get my needs met? Am I manipulative or over controlling? Am I perfectionistic or compulsive? Am I playing the martyr or the victim in sick relationships? Am I trying to "rescue" or enable other people's sick behaviors? If I'm doing any of these, I need to consider what personal needs am I trying to meet by these bogus means.

4) Am I holding appropriate boundaries and am I respecting the boundaries of others? There is a delicate line between being too rigid and keeping people out when needed. It's also a delicate line between being too fragile and letting people into my life as needed. Can I say yes when I should say yes, and say no when I should say no? And, do I respect other's yeses and noes regarding their boundaries? If I've violated boundaries, I need to make amends, where possible.

5) Do I admit my wrongs promptly? If not, the temptation is to rationalize my wrongs. If I do that, these may become resentments against others which will likely sabotage my recovery.

"Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it." (Step 10)

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged." (Colossians 3:18-21)

A wise writer once said that if a person can be a Christian at home, he/she can be a Christian anywhere, implying that there is no harder place to be a Christian than at home with our families. At home we tend to let down any façades we may carry with us when we are in public. In so doing, we are more likely to hurt those we love the most -- sad, but true.

Of course, God is always there for us, ready to deliver us from those temptations, before we hurt others. But sometimes we fail to surrender our will to God, and thus lose the victory we could have had. When that happens and we hurt a family member, the temptation is to just move on and pretend that it didn't happen. Or, we might justify our behavior, claiming that they deserved what they got. But this tends to weaken (and could eventually destroy) our family relationships.

On the other hand, when we admit our mistakes and make amends with those we have wounded, our family relationships are strengthened. Not only that, but when at least one family member starts practicing these principles, others are likely to follow suit, as they are convicted by the Holy Spirit. This can change the whole dynamics of the family -- for the better.

Making amends is always hard, but the resultant peace in our home is well worth the pain. And whenever we make a decided effort to do as we are led by the Holy Spirit, God adds His blessing and assistance to make it all possible. Without Him, we can do nothing good (John 15:5), but with Him, we can do all things! (Philippians 4:13). For us, this is "impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible." (Mark 10:27).

"Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." (Step 9)

1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13) NLT

No matter how much I strive for excellence in my life and occupation, if I have not love for those around me, all my other efforts are in vain. Even if I give large amounts of money, and even time, to help those in need, without love, it's worthless. And even if I do many good deeds, but am unwilling to forgive and make amends, to those whom I have wronged, my good deeds are of no lasting value.

Sometimes, those whom I have wronged first wronged me. And, they may even still be doing similar wrongs to me and to others. So, will I choose to separate the sin from the sinner? I realize that I am no more deserving of forgiveness than they are. I wonder, if a person is worthy of forgiveness, do they actually need forgiveness? I'm not sure...

I'm coming to believe that forgiving doesn't mean excusing or forgetting the wrong. And it doesn't mean a removal of consequences. But it does mean a change of attitude on my part. It means that I begin to wish the offender well. It means that I pray that my offender may find healing through recovery, so that they may find the peace and joy that I am finding in the Lord. It means that I want to see my offender as an erring child of God, such as I. It means... that I am becoming willing to make amends.

"Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all." (Step 8)

"Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;" (Acts 3:19)

"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stand in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me the strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen." (Alcoholics Anonymous p. 76)

As we repent and become converted, we do need strength to do God's bidding, but just how does that work? In my 25 years of practicing my addictive behavior, I continually asked God for more strength of will to resist those temptations that so easily beset me, but to no avail. Yet, in recovery, as I surrender my will to His, during those temptations, He always gives me the victory.

So... what changed? Using my will to surrender myself to God, more than for fighting the temptation was key. But recently, I received some additional insight from a study of these words of Jesus: "Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you." (Luke 10:19).

Let's look at just a piece of this verse: "Behold, I give unto you power... over all the power of the enemy...". The word "power" is used twice in this verse, right? Well, when looking at the original language (Greek), we see that two different words were used. The first word is "exousia", which could have been translated as "authority". The second word is "dunamis", which could have been translated as "ability".

If we use this alternate translation, we have this: "Behold, I give you authority over all the ability of the enemy". That makes a BIG difference to me! You see, in my addictive behavior, I was asking God for the ability to resist the ability of the enemy. I realize now that just isn't going to happen, and it never did. But what does happen is that, as I surrender my will to God's, He gives me the authority to say "NO" to the enemy, as I say "YES" to God. Now that's the power I need :-)

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you..." (James 4:7-8)

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)