Sid's Recovery

Some may call it "Navel Gazing", but Solomon said it this way, "Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to Jehovah." (Lamentations 3:40).

"If you do not change your direction,
you will end up where you are headed.
Have you considered where you are
headed lately?" -anonymous

I remember that sunny day in June of 1994, almost like it was yesterday. It was just the evening before that I had for the first time given my will over to God in the moment of one of my worst temptations. As I look back at that event now, I see it as the beginning of my recovery from 25 years of sexual addiction. You may think that I should have been joyous about this wonderful victory in Christ. In a way, I was. But, now that I was beginning to understand how to end my life-long destructive habits (by co-operating with God -- Step 3), God began to show me just how sick I really was. Memories of my past behaviors came flooding into my thoughts.

At that time, I wasn't at all familiar with the the 12 steps. But as I look back at that experience now, I can clearly see that God was leading me into the 4th step on that day. The weight of my sins was so great that I don't think I could have been able to stand it if I had no hope of a better life for the future. But because of the victory of the previous day, I knew that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13). It was on that same day that I began to be convicted about confession, repentance, and amends, even though I had no idea that those too were part of the 12 steps.

Prior to recovery, I used to think that I was OK. I felt that it was everyone else who caused all my problems. But today, I believe that at least 90% of my troubles are caused by my own bad choices. I used to think that, as I grew spiritually, there should be fewer of my own issues that I needed to deal with. But as I started into recovery I began to understand this principle a little better: "The closer you come to Jesus, the more faulty you will appear in your own eyes." (Steps to Christ, p. 64).

Even now, after many years of recovery, I have to ask myself often, "Am I seeing my faults? How proud am I of my spiritual growth? Am I drifting away from Jesus?" When I stop to think about it, I have to admit that I am still a sinner in need of a Savior (1John 1:8). Oh it's true that, by the power of God in my life, I no longer "act out" in my major addiction and I no longer entertain the thoughts that brought me into that addiction. But that doesn't mean that I'm not still a sinner (1John 1:10). No, I still must take the time to consider where my life is spiritually. As I become more aware of my faults, I become able, by the power of God, to deal with them (Philippians 4:13).

Don't be afraid to take a "searching and fearless moral inventory" of yourself, because God will give you strength to bare it, and He WILL provide ways to help you to deal with your issues. He longs to give you a life of victory over those sins that so easily beset you (Hebrews 12:1). So, pray the prayer of the Pslamist when he said, "Hide not thy face from me; Put not thy servant away in anger: Thou hast been my help; Cast me not off, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation." (Psalms 27:9) and believe that He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). Will you let Him work in your life today?

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." (Step 4)