Sid's Recovery

This is a continuation of my post: That's My God!

Not only does God freely forgive us (justification), but He also wants to sanctify us – to change us from the inside out, to become more and more like Jesus. It doesn’t happen all at once, like justification. This is a continual process that we engage in for the rest of our lives and it is the MOST rewarding process I’ve ever been involved in. And, as long as we are involved in this process, our destiny is assured. We can be certain that our home is in heaven.

But why, you may ask, do we need to go any further than to be forgiven? If God wipes our record clean by the blood of Jesus, why would we need to be sanctified? … Well, while it is true that God gives us a new, clean slate to start over again with, He doesn’t take away our freedom to choose whom we will serve. And, he doesn’t normally change our learning history, which makes up our character. In other words, it is unlikely that He will miraculously take away our bad behaviors. He deals with our past without our participation, but He can’t deal with our future without our cooperation. If He did that, He would violate our freedom of choice, and my God would never do that us.

Let me illustrate, with my own life story… During most of my 25 years of “acting out” in my addictions, I realized that I was powerless over my problems, and I knew that my life was out-of-control. That’s the first step to healing, and that was good. I also came to believe that God could restore me to sanity – the second step.

And, I had enough understanding of justification that I regularly confessed my sins. And, by faith, I believed that God forgave me, and washed me clean in the blood of Jesus. I was justified – over and over again. But those were the only positive steps I took. Oh, I fought the temptations. I fought them with all the will power I could muster up. But I was still a practicing addict. And honestly, my addiction got worse and worse. In fact, I am quite sure that, if I hadn’t got into recovery in 1994, I would likely be incarcerated today. That’s just how bad it was becoming. And that, my friends, is why I needed more than just justification. I needed recovery. I needed sanctification. BTW, in my vocabulary, the words “recovery” and “sanctification” are synonymous. That’s why you will never hear me say (this side of Heaven) that I am recovered, because this is the progressive work of a lifetime, it doesn’t happen all at once.

You see, not only do we need forgiveness, we need character development; we need transformation! That’s where the process of sanctification comes in. So, what exactly is sanctification, and what must we do to cooperate with God so that He can accomplish this in our lives?

For me, it began when I made a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God, as I understood Him. This involves three major components:

1. PRAYER: Constant (as near as possible) communion with God through prayer is vital to having victory over those sins that so easily beset me. For me, this needs to start as soon as I roll out of bed in the morning.
2. BIBLE STUDY: My mind is more clear and most able to focus on Biblical topics first thing in the morning. I never used to be a morning person, but as soon as I asked God to wake me up in the morning, that all changed -- for the better!
3. SURRENDER: When temptation comes, and my thoughts begin to turn towards sin, it is then and there that I must turn my heart and will to God and cry out to Him like Peter when he was sinking: "Lord, save me lest I perish!" (Matthew 14:27-31). Or surrender to Him like blind Bart when he said: "Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me!" (Mark 10:46-52). Or like Saul the persecutor, when he was struck down by the glory of Jesus. He said, "Lord, what would you have me to do?" (Acts 9:1-6). Absolute surrender to the will of God is the only way I have found to have consistent victory over any of my weaknesses.

As I choose to do as He directs in my life, He makes the impossible possible! This is how I cooperate with God so that He can work in me to will and to do His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13). This is the process of sanctification. This is the process of recovery.

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." (Step 3)

26-year-old Nancy’s life was fast falling apart when she approached Pastor Frank. For 3 days in a row, Nancy kept coming back and pouring out all her troubles. Despite the previous attempts of several marriage counselors, her marriage was failing. She had her baby girl with her as she pleaded for help. This baby was Nancy and her husband’s final attempt to restore their marriage, but it wasn’t working. Eventually, Pastor Frank said, “Nancy, here is something that could help. He handed her this quote:

“The Father’s presence encircled Christ, and nothing befell Him but that which infinite love permitted for the blessing of the world. Here was His source of comfort, and [so] it is for us. He who is imbued (permeated or saturated) with the Spirit of Christ, abides (dwells, rests, continues, stands firm) in Christ. The blow that is aimed at him falls upon the Savior, who surrounds him with His presence (hugged by Jesus). Whatever comes to him comes from Christ. He has no need to resist evil, for Christ is his defense. Nothing can touch him except by our Lord’s permission, and ‘all things’ that are permitted ‘work together for good to them that love God.’ (Romans 8:28).” (Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing p71)

The following day, Nancy returned to see the pastor, along with her non-Christian husband. Pastor Frank told them that if just one of them would follow these principal’s their marriage could be saved and if both of them would do it they could have a relationship beyond what they thought was possible. Then he had prayer with them.

Nancy left with a firm commitment to accept everything that touched her life as coming from Christ. Her husband did not. In fact, he did everything he could to make her life a living hell. But Nancy remained committed to accept everything he dished out in a Christ-like manner. It took 3 months for his heart to soften then they began to enjoy a relationship that they previously thought was impossible. It was as if heaven had opened up in their lives.

One day Nancy and her husband decided to go sightseeing in the mountains and left the baby with her in-laws. Grandma laid the baby on the couch then sat down to read a book. Before long, they both fell asleep. When Grandma woke up, her granddaughter was eating the last of the pills that she had accidently left beside the couch. Grandma was paralyzed with fear – unable to do anything to help. When Nancy and her husband returned from their trip and entered the home, they quickly realized what had happened, picked up the pill bottle and the baby, who was now comatose, and rushed her to the emergency room. Within an hour the baby was dead.

The news spread quickly. Members of Nancy’s church started coming to her home, offering their sympathies – which Nancy accepted. As a result, Nancy began to experience the same type of bitterness and resentment in her heart that she had experienced prior to meeting with Pastor Frank. It occurred to her that she had accepted everything that touched her life as coming from Christ – but not this. She went into her bedroom, fell to her knees, and confessed to God her lack of trust in Him. She was totally honest with God about her pain. She said, “I don’t like or understand why this happened, but I do trust You, Father. You know what you are doing. Please help my lack of trust.

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang – more church members coming to offer their sympathies. Nancy raised her hand and said I don’t want to be rude or insensitive but I do not want your sympathies. I want you to understand that a year ago I gave my life and the life of my daughter to God. Please pray with me and praise God for working in our lives. Well, this same scenario played out a few more times, until word finally got out that Nancy did not want sympathy.

When Nancy’s in-laws came for a visit, they told Nancy that they had been watching her over the last year and had witnessed an incredible change in her life. They had seen no resentment in her over the death of her baby – which they did not understand. They said, “If God can work a transformation in your life like this, we believe He can do it in us too, can we come to church with you?” A short time later they took their stand in baptism.

Not long after that, when Nancy’s husband got home from work one day, he told Nancy that she was not the same girl that he had married. The change he had seen in her and his parents brought him conviction. He wanted the same experience. He too was later baptized as he began a born-again relationship with God.

Just as the sun of the daytime melts butter and hardens clay, so does the Spirit of the Son of God use the trials of this world to strengthen our character, as we let Him. The question is, “Do we have the kind of trust in God that melts us to surrender all to Him?”

I wonder what difference it would have made if Nancy had made different choices……….? I wonder what difference it would make if I were to always show extreme trust in God?

"Now unto him who is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God our Saviour, be glory, majesty, dominion, and power, both now and forever. Amen." (Jude 1:24-25)

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." (Step 2)

"When he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd." (Matthew 9:36) NKJV

Have you ever felt weary and scattered? I sure have. There seems to be no lack of problems to deal with, projects to complete, temptations to face, schedules to meet, and hard decisions to make. These things all serve to remind me that, of myself, I am powerless. On my own, I will spin out-of-control to a place I don't want to be.

But, thank God, I don't need to be without the Good Shepherd. I am not alone. When I am feeling weary and scattered, Jesus has compassion on me. And, His Spirit works in me to will and to do His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13), as I choose to surrender my will to His.

But, will I recognize my powerlessness and my great need? If I don't, then I will continue to be weary and scattered. It is only as we admit our powerlessness and realize that our lives are unmanageable that true recovery can begin.

"We admitted we were powerless over our problems, that our lives had become unmanageable." (Step 1)

As I search for God's will for my life, my first consideration is the ten commandments (Exodus 20:1-20). Then I recall that, "... this is the will of God, even [my] sanctification..." (1 Thessalonians 4:3). More specifically, the apostle Paul tells me that God's will is that I should be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2), and that I should do the will of God from my heart (Ephesians 6:6). He also said that, no matter what happens, I should give thanks, because that's God's will (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

I really want to do God's will because "he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever" (1 John 2:17) and because Jesus said, "For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother." (Mark 3:35). I want to be tight with Jesus. I want to do the will of God. I want to be transformed/sanctified. But, can I actually accomplish this? A short answer was given when, "Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." (Mark 9:23).

So, I must ask myself: How great is my trust in God? Will I trust Him enough to choose to do His will, even when it seems impossible? Do I really believe in His great and precious promises?

"According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust." (2 Peter 1:3,4)

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)

As I continue to search for God's will for my life, and the power to carry that out, once again I come back to surrender -- I want to die to self and be alive to God. I think Paul said it best, when he said: "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)

Is it possible to do God's will -- all the time? With all the evidence given me in Holy Scripture, I must answer "Yes". My ability to do God's will is directly proportional to how much I empty my life of "self", because that's just how much He can fill me with His sweet Holy Spirit. That's how much He can "will and to do of his good pleasure" in my life (Philippians 2:13).

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." (Step 11)

Jesus said, "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." (Matthew 7:7-11).

Well now, that seems pretty easy. I'll just ask God to remove my shortcomings, and He’ll do it. That’s perfect! I’m in charge. That's what I want. I'll be my own god and God will be at my beck and call. But, now let's contrast that notion with what He said later in the same chapter:

"Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws." (Matthew 7:21-23).

Oh, does He mean that I actually have to do something? I thought God was supposed to do everything for me, without my participation. What's up with that? Isn't salvation a free gift? Won't God work in me to will and to do His could pleasure (Philippians 2:13)? Sure He will, but not without my cooperation. Remember what Paul said a few verses earlier: "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 2:5). And, "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling" (Philippians 2:12).

I can ask until kingdom come, without success. It is only when I listen to God's still small voice (1 Kings 19:12), trusting that He will enable me to do what He asks, and then choose to obey, that my life is changed. By opening the door of my heart in this way, Jesus is made welcome to come into my heart, remove my shortcomings, and renew my character.

Listen to how Jesus says it: "I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference. Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends. Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne." (Revelation 3:19-21)

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

I wonder what it really means to be "entirely ready to have God remove all [my] defects of character". Does it mean that I'm ready for Him to take control of my life, without me doing anything different? Or, could it mean that I am now willing to surrender all my known choices to the Kingship of my Lord and Savior -- no matter the consequences? The following quote has helped me to better understand this process.

"True success in any line of work is not the result of chance or accident or destiny. It is the outworking of God's providences, the reward of faith and discretion, of virtue and perseverance. Fine mental qualities and a high moral tone are not the result of accident. God gives opportunities; success depends upon the use made of them.

As the Lord co-operated with Daniel and his fellows, so He will co-operate with all who strive to do His will. And by the impartation of His Spirit He will strengthen every true purpose, every noble resolution. Those who walk in the path of obedience will encounter many hindrances. Strong, subtle influences may bind them to the world; but the Lord is able to render futile every agency that works for the defeat of His chosen ones; in His strength they may overcome every temptation, conquer every difficulty." (PK 486-487)

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." (Step 6)

"And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him." (Luke 15:17-20)

When I came to myself -- realizing the depth of my depravity -- I too was compelled to humble myself, through confession of my hidden life of sin. In so doing, I too was extended compassion, rather than condemnation. For me, it was the beginning of a lifetime process of coming to God as an errant son, seeking grace and healing.

God's response to me has always been that of the prodigal's father -- absolute, loving acceptance, with help and hope for tomorrow.

"Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." (James 4:10) "Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:" (1 Peter 5:6)

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." (Step 5)

"We won’t dare to place ourselves in the same league or to compare ourselves with some of those who are promoting themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves, and compare themselves with themselves, they have no understanding." (2 Corinthians 10:12)

Rather than making a difficult inventory of my own moral condition (introspection), it is much easier to make an extrospective (examining what is outside yourself) inventory of my environment and/or of other people. I would much rather compare myself with you than to look inside to compare myself with Jesus, and His direction in my life. But, when I choose extrospection, I lose a wonderful opportunity for emotional and spiritual well-being.

Introspection is often painful because of the mess we are likely to find in ourselves. Most are unwilling to take this step, finding it much too depressing to even consider. I would like to suggest that this commonly held view is due to our lack of trust and lack of understanding.

If I don't believe that God will help me overcome those sins which so easily beset me (Hebrews 12:1), then introspection could lead me into deep depression. Conversely, if I have total confidence that God is willing, able, and desiring to give me peace and to make me whole, then introspection becomes a privilege! It becomes a tool to help me understand why I am the way I am. It helps me to know what to pray for. It helps me to know what sort of situations and/or people to avoid. It helps me to understand the direction my life needs to take. And the list of benefits goes on and on...

The good news is that no matter how ugly the results of introspection, it is still true that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13) And, it is still true that Christ will never leave me, nor forsake me :-) (Hebrews 13:5).

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." (Step 4)

"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." (Revelation 3:20)

This invitation from Jesus becomes extremely meaningful to us whenever we recognize our own powerlessness to do any good thing (Step 1) and begin to believe in His loving all-powerfulness to deliver us from our dependencies and restore use to sanity (Step 2).

In Revelation 3:20, Christ demonstrates His love for us. Even though we are sinners, Christ not only died to pay the penalty for our sins (Romans 5:8), but He continually "knocks" at the "door" of our heart -- seeking to fill us with His loving Spirit. He longs to work in us to do His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13), but He can't do that without our cooperation. So, He gently "knocks", using His "still small" voice (1 Kings 19:12) to speak to our conscience.

He doesn't barge in and clean house, just because we gave Him permission to do that sometime in the past. No, it is a continual process. It is always our choice. Will we trust Him enough to obey -- leaving the consequences to Him? Or, will we choose to do our own thing when He prompts us to follow Him?

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." (Step 3)

There seems to be something about the way that we humans are made that causes us to need to worship (love, admire, pay homage to) someone or some thing. Unfortunately, we tend to try to fill that need with things we can see, or make ourselves. Of course this is nothing new. You probably remember what the children of Israel did when Moses left them for awhile to be with God: "And they forsook all the commandments of Jehovah their God, and made them molten images, even two calves, and made an Asherah, and worshipped all the host of heaven, and served Baal." (2 Kings 17:16). I'm not so sure that we are much different today.

In this age of advanced technology, we may worship some of the things that it brings us over the Internet, such as shopping, gaming, porn, etc... Or, maybe we worship the things that tend to accumulate over time. Really, it could be anything.

For some, it maybe another human that we worship. It could be that special someone that we spend a great deal of time with. For others, it could be a charismatic pastor that we give our homage to.

Really, the list of people or things that we put in the place of God is endless. The problem is that none of this fills our need of worship anywhere near as well as does our Creator. "And the people believed: and when they heard that Jehovah had visited the children of Israel, and that he had seen their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshipped." (Exodus 4:31)

Likewise, as I remember the incredible love of God for me, how He paid the price of death for my sins, and how He has looked upon the affliction of my dependencies, how He provides for all of my needs, I am reminded that only God is worthy of all of my worship.

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." (Step 2)

As humans in need of help, we tend to put on a facade that says, "I can do it myself. I could fix my own problems, if I had any." It's great to have a positive attitude, but are things really that great? Can I really fix my own problems? Or, do I just make myself feel superior to others, thinking that my issues are not nearly as bad as theirs? Or, maybe I try to become an authority on everything, so I can tell others what they are doing wrong. Maybe this gives me some temporary relief from the reality of my own inadequacies. Or, maybe I spend large amounts of time doing good deeds for my community or my church, hoping that this will somehow ease my pain, or give me the victory over those sins that so easily beset me. Or maybe I continually pursue higher, more prestigious degrees, hoping that education will bring me peace and happiness in my soul.

Does any of this sound familiar? Are you in denial about your true condition, as I have been (and in some ways, may still be)? It has been a difficult thing for me to realize my own issues, and my own powerlessness over them. But one of the ironies of recovery (the process of sanctification, as some call it), is that the only way to resolve those sins that so easily beset us, is to admit it, and acknowledge our own powerlessness to resolve them on our own.

Here are a couple of quotes that I really don't like: "There are but two powers that control the minds of men -- the power of God and the power of Satan." (Temperance, p. 276) "Satan takes control of every mind that is not decidedly under the control of the Spirit of God." (Testimonies to Ministers, p. 79). WOW, I thought I could do my own thing -- control my own mind. But, it seems that it is more complicated than that. It wasn't until I began to understand my own powerlessness, that I was able to begin my recovery process.

God invites us to come out from behind our facade, to get real with ourselves and admit that everything is NOT OK, and that we are powerless over our lives. Yes, it's painful. But the pain has been there all along, just festering into more and more damaging thoughts and behavior.

Isn't it time to face that pain instead of just stuffing it, hoping it will go away? Isn't it time to acknowledge that we need the help of a higher power outside of ourselves? My own personal experience is that it is well worth the pain, to gain the peace and serenity that follows. It's unfortunate that I had to sink lower than a snake's belly before I began to understood my own powerlessness, but that's what it took for me. And, no matter how low you've sunk, there is still hope for you. You too can have a better life, and YOU ARE WORTH IT! Why else would Jesus make the ultimate sacrifice when He died to pay the price for your sins, and mine.

Jesus says, "Yield yourself up to Me; give me that will; take it from the control of Satan, and I will take possession of it; then I can work in you to will and to do of My good pleasure." (Messages to Young People 154) And I guarantee that His good pleasure is infinity better than our default -- satan's evil pleasure.

"We admitted we were powerless over our problems, that our lives had become unmanageable." (Step 1)

Webster defines "liberty" as "the quality or state of being free: the power to do as one pleases..., the power of choice".

In my carnal nature, I lacked liberty. My power of choice was diminished by the bad habits I had cultivated. Thankfully, God provided a way to restore my liberty, and yours. The apostle Paul taught that we all can "... be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God." (Romans 8:21)

Jesus, quoting Isaiah 61:1 and applying it to Himself, said, "... the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;" (Isaiah 61:1).

As we learn to trust God to lead us in the way that we would choose for ourselves if we could see the end from the beginning, more and more we seek only His will for our lives and trust Him implicitly to provide the power to do as He asks. As a result, captivity to our old faults is diminished and our liberty increases. Our power of choice is strengthened, for our good and for the good of those close to us.

"... Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the LORD." (2 Corinthians 3:17,18).

"But take heed lest by any means this liberty of yours become a stumblingblock to them that are weak." (1 Corinthians 8:9)

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." (Step 11)

In my carnal nature, I would arrogantly ask God for more strength, so I could fight my temptations my way. But God invites me to humbly come to the foot of the cross (Matthew 16:24), realizing my own powerlessness and His all-powerfulness (John 15:1-5), willing to let go of those old behaviors that bring me pain (Hebrews 12:1), humbly asking God to remove my defects of character.

An example of this kind of humility can be found in the experience of king David, after he fell with Bathsheba, when he said, "Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: According to the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions; And my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, And done that which is evil in thy sight; That thou mayest be justified when thou speakest, And be clear when thou judgest. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity; And in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts; And in the hidden part thou wilt make me to know wisdom. Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness, That the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, And blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; And renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; And take not thy holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; And uphold me with a willing spirit." (Ps 51:1-12)

"One of the most earnest prayers recorded in the Word of God is that of David when he pleaded, 'Create in me a clean heart, O God.' Ps. 51:10. God's response to such a prayer is, A new heart will I give you. (Ezekiel 36:26) This is a work that no finite man can do. Men and women are to begin at the beginning, seeking God most earnestly for a true Christian experience. They are to feel the creative power of the Holy Spirit. They are to receive the new heart, that is kept soft and tender by the grace of heaven. The selfish spirit is to be cleansed from the soul. They are to labor earnestly and with humility of heart, each one looking to Jesus for guidance and encouragement. Then the building, fitly framed together, will grow into a holy temple in the Lord." (Our High Calling, page 159)

This is the kind of humility that I want to exemplify in my life. How about you?

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

As I consider what it means to be entirely ready to have God remove my defects of character, it seems to me that a large part of that readiness has to do with the constant surrender of my will to God's. I want God to will and do in my life according to His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13), but am I willing to do my part? And, just what is my part? As I've considered that question, I came across this quote that is giving me a clearer understanding. I'm still reading it over and over, praying for wisdom, understanding, and a willing heart.

"When the soul surrenders itself to Christ, a new power takes possession of the new heart. A change is wrought which man can never accomplish for himself. It is a supernatural work, bringing a supernatural element into human nature. The soul that is yielded to Christ becomes His own fortress... A soul thus kept in possession by the heavenly agencies is impregnable to the assaults of Satan. But unless we do yield ourselves to the control of Christ, we shall be dominated by the wicked one. We must inevitably be under the control of the one or the other of the two great powers that are contending for the supremacy of the world. It is not necessary for us deliberately to choose the service of the kingdom of darkness in order to come under its dominion. We have only to neglect to ally ourselves with the kingdom of light. If we do not co-operate with the heavenly agencies, Satan will take possession of the heart, and will make it his abiding place. The only defense against evil is the indwelling of Christ in the heart through faith in His righteousness. Unless we become vitally connected with God, we can never resist the unhallowed effects of self-love, self-indulgence, and temptation to sin. We may leave off many bad habits, for the time we may part company with Satan; but without a vital connection with God, through the surrender of ourselves to Him moment by moment, we shall be overcome. Without a personal acquaintance with Christ, and a continual communion, we are at the mercy of the enemy, and shall do his bidding in the end." (Desire of Ages p. 324).

WOW! When it comes to this "progressive work of a lifetime" (sanctification), there is no neutral ground. All my righteousness is as "filthy rags" (Isaiah 64:6). My only hope of living a Godly life is by maintaining a constant vital connection with God.

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." (Step 6)

I was very good at isolating myself from everyone. I lived in a world of fantasy. There was no way I would tell anyone about my secret life, and I minimized my own perception of my thoughts and behaviors.

But, in 1994 I was hitting bottom. I had sunk so low that I was in serious need of positive change in my life. It was in June that I discovered the keys to victory over my 25-year addiction (surrender to God, after realizing my own powerlessness and learning to trust God). The very next day after my first victory, I began to realize my great depravity. As a result of this introspective process, I was convicted that I needed to come out of my isolation and tell some human being my story. This was the greatest challenge of my life.

I had admitted these things to myself and to God, but the thought of disclosing my secret life to another person was excruciatingly painful. It was because of my desire for recovery and because of a great conviction from God, that I chose someone and began my confession. My words came very slowly. The whole process took hours. But this was the beginning of the end of my isolation. As I disclosed my issues, it was as if a heavy weight was being lifted from my heart. This was a vital step which helped release me from the bondage of the previous 25 years.

As I look back now, I can see that this was one of the best decisions in my life. My dirty secrets were no longer secret. I began to become accountable for my sins. By God's grace, I no longer live in isolation. And, even though my past is not forgotten, by God's amazing grace, it is forgiven. I thank God and praise Him for this ancient tradition of confession.

"If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:6-9). "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." (James 5:16).

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." (Step 5)

As I read, once again, the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), the phrase "when he came to himself" (Luke 15:17) seemed to pop out at me, in the context of introspection. As a result of his riotous living, this young man was in dire straits, not even knowing where his next meal would come from. It wasn't until he hit "bottom" that "he came to himself", taking "a searching and fearless moral inventory" of his life.

I wonder why it is that we often wait until disaster strikes before we finally take a deep, introspective look at our lives. For me, I think it was fear -- fear of how hard it might be to see the truth -- fear of the consequences of confession. As my recovery began in 1994, like the prodigal son, It wasn't until things got really bad that I began to take an honest inventory of my sinful life. I wish now that I had taken this step much sooner. Today, it's a daily process for me, because I don't ever want to go back to where I was.

The good news is that, just like the prodigal son, I always find the compassion, love and forgiveness of the Father, when I confess. More about confession...

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." (Step 4)

In a practical sense, what does it mean to give it all up to God? Well, God has made (and continues to make) some positive changes in my life. And, I'm pretty sure that He's been able to do that partially because of my participation in this process. Of course, I can't take credit for that, because without help from Him, I wouldn't be able to make positive choices. Right now, I'm thinking of two ways in which I strive (by God's grace and power) to give my will and life to God. The first is directly initiated by God. The second is when I seek help from Him.

It has been said that God is always sending messages to those who will listen to His "still, small voice". These impressions come throughout the day for many different reasons. It could happen as I'm driving, to alert me of danger. It could happen when I am tempted to wrong thoughts, words, or actions. It could happen at anytime, and for any reason. When I listen for His impressions on my heart, then choose to obey, I'm giving up my agenda for God's. In so doing, He gives me strength to follow through on that decision. He cares about me. He wants to help me make good decisions.

There are other times when I don't know what God will is, like when I have hard decisions to make. It maybe in my work, when I can't seem to figure something out. Or, it may be in my personal life. In times like this, I find myself in prayer asking for wisdom, claiming His promises, like this one: "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. 6 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind." (James 1:5-6). But the question I most often ask God is "Lord, what would you have me to do?" (Acts 9:6). The answer often doesn't seem to come right away, but I still trust in God, that He always has my best interest in mind. For He will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5) even until the end of the world! (Matthew 28:20)

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." (Step 3)

"It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life." (John 6:63)

Addiction and codependency are sometimes defined as an unhealthy reliance on the control of people and/or things, for the purpose of satisfying our deepest spiritual and emotional needs. Instead, I choose to look to a Loving higher power, outside of myself, to fulfill my needs.

However, my tendency is to want to stand as judge and jury, really putting myself in the place of God, as I react to those around me. It's easy to get caught up in this grandiose thinking. But then I remember that I am powerless, without God (John 15:5). Then I remember all the times where my faulty wisdom has made choices that I will always regret. Then I consider Job, who was much more wise than I, when God rebuked him in his grandiosity (Job 38:1-41).

Then I realize that my judgments are not always just, but "The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished:" (2 Peter 2:9). And, I remember that only God's judgments are just (John 5:30).

So, rather than continuing to blame others for my problems, I choose to surrender my judgmental feelings to the only just judge, and rely on Him to restore me to sanity.

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." (Step 2)

"For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?" (Romans 7:14-24)

The apostle Paul well described the feeling of powerlessness that is so essential to the healing process of recovery and restoration -- sanctification. Even now, with many years of recovery behind me, I must recognize my own powerlessness in order to continue to walk the narrow path that leads to heaven. Some think that strange, but Jesus strongly indicated that He practiced this same discipline. "But Jesus never sinned", you might say, and that's right. The Bible is very clear about this (Hebrews 4:15). Otherwise, He would not have been the perfect sacrifice for my sins.

I wonder if one of the reasons that Jesus never sinned was because He recognized the powerlessness of His own human flesh. Look at what He said about that: "... Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself..." (John 5:19). Not only did He admit his own powerlessness, but He also spoke of His reliance on His Father God. "I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me." (John 5:30).

In a similar way, Paul went beyond the recognition of, not only his powerlessness, but his sinfulness too: "I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin." (Romans 7:25) "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." (Romans 8:1-4)

Friends, as strange as it may seem, there is hope of a better life when we recognize and admit our own weaknesses. "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Corinthians 12:9). "But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you." (1 Peter 5:10)

"We admitted we were powerless over our problems, that our lives had become unmanageable." (Step 1)

"All who are under the training of God need the quiet hour for communion with their own hearts, with nature, and with God. In them is to be revealed a life that is not in harmony with the world, its customs, or its practices; and they need to have a personal experience in obtaining a knowledge of the will of God. We must individually hear Him speaking to the heart. When every other voice is hushed, and in quietness we wait before Him, the silence of the soul makes more distinct the voice of God." Ministry of Healing, p. 58

In my life, it is very easy to let all my busyness -- work, family, ministry, and more -- crowd out "the quiet hour for communion with ... God". It is easy to forget that it is actually in my best interest, both long-term as well as short-term, to spend this time in contemplation of my standing with God and with those near me. But my days are always better when I get up in time to spend the time I need in quiet communion with God -- reading His Holy Word, praying, seeking His will, and listening for His still, small voice. When I start the day with God, it seems like I stay closer to Him all through the day. Not only is this good for me, but it is good for those around me as well because I'm more likely listen to God's leading and follow in His ways.

I want God "to will and to do of his good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13) in my life, but I must remember that He will not do that against my poor choices. I must continually choose to accept the choices of His "good pleasure". I must continually choose to trust and obey His leading. It is then that He steps in and makes it all happen in ways that I have no power to do. Praise God! All of this is much more likely when I start the day in His hands.

"Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace, Comfort your hearts, and stablish you in every good word and work." (2 Thessalonians 2:16,17)

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." (Step 11)

Some may call it "Navel Gazing", but Solomon said it this way, "Let us search and try our ways, and turn again to Jehovah." (Lamentations 3:40).

"If you do not change your direction,
you will end up where you are headed.
Have you considered where you are
headed lately?" -anonymous

I remember that sunny day in June of 1994, almost like it was yesterday. It was just the evening before that I had for the first time given my will over to God in the moment of one of my worst temptations. As I look back at that event now, I see it as the beginning of my recovery from 25 years of sexual addiction. You may think that I should have been joyous about this wonderful victory in Christ. In a way, I was. But, now that I was beginning to understand how to end my life-long destructive habits (by co-operating with God -- Step 3), God began to show me just how sick I really was. Memories of my past behaviors came flooding into my thoughts.

At that time, I wasn't at all familiar with the the 12 steps. But as I look back at that experience now, I can clearly see that God was leading me into the 4th step on that day. The weight of my sins was so great that I don't think I could have been able to stand it if I had no hope of a better life for the future. But because of the victory of the previous day, I knew that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13). It was on that same day that I began to be convicted about confession, repentance, and amends, even though I had no idea that those too were part of the 12 steps.

Prior to recovery, I used to think that I was OK. I felt that it was everyone else who caused all my problems. But today, I believe that at least 90% of my troubles are caused by my own bad choices. I used to think that, as I grew spiritually, there should be fewer of my own issues that I needed to deal with. But as I started into recovery I began to understand this principle a little better: "The closer you come to Jesus, the more faulty you will appear in your own eyes." (Steps to Christ, p. 64).

Even now, after many years of recovery, I have to ask myself often, "Am I seeing my faults? How proud am I of my spiritual growth? Am I drifting away from Jesus?" When I stop to think about it, I have to admit that I am still a sinner in need of a Savior (1John 1:8). Oh it's true that, by the power of God in my life, I no longer "act out" in my major addiction and I no longer entertain the thoughts that brought me into that addiction. But that doesn't mean that I'm not still a sinner (1John 1:10). No, I still must take the time to consider where my life is spiritually. As I become more aware of my faults, I become able, by the power of God, to deal with them (Philippians 4:13).

Don't be afraid to take a "searching and fearless moral inventory" of yourself, because God will give you strength to bare it, and He WILL provide ways to help you to deal with your issues. He longs to give you a life of victory over those sins that so easily beset you (Hebrews 12:1). So, pray the prayer of the Pslamist when he said, "Hide not thy face from me; Put not thy servant away in anger: Thou hast been my help; Cast me not off, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation." (Psalms 27:9) and believe that He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). Will you let Him work in your life today?

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." (Step 4)

Not only is the God of my understanding my Savior, Friend, and Guide, but He is also my loving King. He accepts me just the way I am, no matter how low I've sunk into my dependencies. But He does even more! He provides the will and the means to restore me to sanity, as I turn my will over to His in total surrender to His guidance.

"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him." (Philippians 2:13).

As I began to understand this principle and to practice it, God began delivering me from my dependencies. Each time that I surrender to Him (admitting to myself and God my powerlessness) as temptation comes to me, He gives me the victory! He never fails me. What an Awesome GOD!

You too can have this kind of freedom! "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen." (Eph 3:20-21)

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." (Step 3)

The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, ... but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish... (2 Peter 3:9).

Early on in our recovery process, like the father who cried out, "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief" (Mark 9:24), we begin to realize that there is a higher power that is willing (2 Peter 3:9) and able (Ephesians 3:20) to deliver us from our dysfunction.

This may not be the god of our fathers. This God may not even be recognizable by most Christians. When abused by so-called Christians, many look away from Christianity to find a loving Higher Power. In many cases, I believe they find the same (one and only) true God -- just by a different name.

What ever we call our loving Higher Power, we find in this Power a willingness to deliver us from our sins (Matthew 1:21), which bring us so much pain.

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." (Step 2)

"The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body also is full of darkness." (Luke 11:34)

God invites us to take inventory of both the "light" and the "darkness" of our innermost being. "Take heed therefore that the light which is in thee be not darkness." (Luke 11:35).

When God led me to introspection for the first time, it was really scary because I found mostly darkness, with very little light. Had I not already experienced victory through third-step surrender, it would have devastated me. But as it was, I had hope. I knew that God could bring light into my life -- with my cooperation -- and that gave me the courage to acknowledge the darkest parts of my inner-being. As a result, God began the process of replacing that darkness with light.

"If thy whole body therefore be full of light, having no part dark, the whole shall be full of light, as when the bright shining of a candle doth give thee light." (Luke 11:36). This is my hope and my goal. I must admit that not all is light in my soul, but God is faithful and continues bring more and more light into my life (dispelling the darkness), as I continue to be willing to trust and obey.

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." (Step 4)

Failure in understanding about turning my will over to God is what kept me in my addictions for 25 years. And, as I have associated with many people who want a better life, it has been my observation that it is nearly always failure to embrace this principle that keeps them from progressing in their recovery process. Based on my experience, I have a theory as to why this is. I believe that, when we practice this principle, the powers of evil lose their grip on us, and they will do everything in their evil power to keep us in bondage.

Another reason why this principle is so hard to embrace is that it is painful to surrender ourselves -- even to the loving Higher-Power that CAN restore us to sanity. We would still rather follow our own paths -- doing the same stupid things we've always done, expecting different results. But when I think about it logically, that kind of thinking is just insane, even though my tendency is to go there. The apostle Paul describes the experience we need to have like this: "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20).

It is only when I die to doing things my way, at the cross, and surrender my "weak, wavering human will to the omnipotent, unwavering will of God" (Ministry of Healing page 176), that I am able to have the victory over the sin that so easily besets me. This is the key factor that started me into my recovery process and this is the key factor that keeps me in recovery today. When I choose to do it my way, I fail. But, when I choose to surrender my will to God in the moment of temptation, He gives me the victory! PRAISE GOD!

"As the will of man co-operates with the will of God, it becomes omnipotent. Whatever is to be done at His command may be accomplished in His strength. All His biddings are enablings."
(Christ's Object Lessons, page 333)

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." (Step 3)

It's been said that "there are no atheists in foxholes". As we begin to recognize our own powerlessness, as we hide in our "foxholes" from facing the "war" against the evil that so easily besets us (Hebrews 12:1), we begin to realize that there must be a power greater than ourselves that can deliver us, because these battles are just too great for us to be able to fight them on our own.

I think that the God of creation put within us a desire, and a need, to fellowship with Him and to reverence Him as our Lord and Savior, because He is the only God that can bring us true happiness. The trouble is that we tend to look to fill that most basic of all human needs with other gods. Since the God of creation is not a god of control, he lets us make those choices to follow other gods. But those gods do try to control us -- to remove our freedom of choice. Consequentially, we find ourselves in behaviors that become habits that often lead to addictions -- things that forcibly control our lives.

I believe that only the God of creation, the Almighty God of the universe, is able to deliver us from those little gods that forcibly control our lives -- those little gods that force us into our "foxholes" of isolation. Friends, He is able. Yes He is able to do infinitely more than we can even imagine to restore us to sanity.

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen." (Ephesians 3:20-21)

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." (Step 2)