Sid's Recovery

How fitting it is that we should be on Step 11 on Christmas -- seeking to improve our conscious contact with Jesus. Jesus is my God, who left the place of infinite glory and power to become a tiny, helpless human infant in this horribly evil and primitive world.

This is my God who grew to human manhood without using His Devine power to in anyway help His own human flesh. This is my God who can help me, because He was tempted in all points like as I am, while NEVER yielding to the constant temptations of satan. This is my God, who in human flesh, admitted, that of Himself, He could do NOTHING. That’s my Jesus! Jesus gives me courage to admit to myself, and others, that I can, of myself, do no good thing.

Jesus is the God who blessed and healed every honest soul who He came in contact with. Jesus is the God who allowed Himself to be falsely accused and beaten unmercifully without one word of complaint. Jesus is the God who while being nailed to that old rugged cross, cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!” Jesus is the God who died to pay the penalty for my sins and for yours, and then was raised again to newness of life, just as we have the privilege to do when we take up our cross and follow Him. That’s my Jesus! That’s my God!

No matter what you think of my God, one thing is for sure. He loves you and me with an everlasting, infinite love that we cannot even begin to fathom! Do you know my Jesus? Do you love my Jesus? In my carnal nature, I have sunk lower than a snake’s belly and yet He has always been there for me with His unconditional love to pick me up and gently guide me from where I was to a better place. That’s my Jesus!

If you have drifted away from God, do realize how easy it is to come back? Even if you’ve never given your heart to God, His arms are open wide right now to totally accept you as one of His chosen ones. All He needs is your heart. The Bible says, if you will confess your sins to Him that He will not only freely forgive you, but He will also cleanse you from all unrighteousness! This is justification – He wipes your record clean, just as if you had never sinned! He replaces your past, sinful record with Jesus’ perfect record. He will give you a fresh, new start! Praise God!!

But that’s just the beginning! He longs to do much more than this. He wants to sanctify us – to change us from the inside out, to become more and more like Jesus. It doesn’t happen all at once, like justification. This is a continual process that we engage in for the rest of our lives and it is the MOST rewarding process I’ve ever been involved in. As long as we are involved in this process, our destiny is assured. We can be certain that our home is in heaven.

But why, you may ask, do we need to go any further than to be forgiven? If God wipes our record clean by the blood of Jesus, why would we need to be sanctified? … Well, while it is true that God gives us a new, clean slate to start over again with, He doesn’t take away our freedom to choose whom we will serve. And, he doesn’t normally change our learning history, which makes up our character. In other words, it is unlikely that He will miraculously take away our bad behaviors. He deals with our past without our participation, but He can’t deal with our future without our cooperation. If He did that, He would violate our freedom of choice, and my God would never do that to us.

Jesus says, I know the thoughts and plans I have for you, and they are NOT thoughts of evil, but rather of peace and hope for your future. So, call upon Me in prayer and I will listen and I will help you. And, when you seek for Me with ALL your heart, you will find Me and I will deliver you... -paraphrased (Jeremiah 29:11-14 ) I will never leave you, nor forsake you! (Hebrews 13:5 )

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." (Step 11)

In my carnal nature, I would arrogantly ask God for more strength, so I could fight my temptations my way. But God invites me to humbly come to the foot of the cross (Step 3), realizing my own powerlessness (Step 1) and His all powerfulness (Step 2), willing to let go of those old behaviors that bring me pain (Step 6), humbly asking God to remove these defects of character (Step 7).

An example of this kind of humility can be found in the experience of king David, after he fell with Bathsheba, when he said, "Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit." (Ps 51:1-12 )

"One of the most earnest prayers recorded in the Word of God is that of David when he pleaded, 'Create in me a clean heart, O God.' Ps. 51:10. God's response to such a prayer is, A new heart will I give you. (Ezekiel 36:26 ) This is a work that no finite man can do. Men and women are to begin at the beginning, seeking God most earnestly for a true Christian experience. They are to feel the creative power of the Holy Spirit. They are to receive the new heart, that is kept soft and tender by the grace of heaven. The selfish spirit is to be cleansed from the soul. They are to labor earnestly and with humility of heart, each one looking to Jesus for guidance and encouragement. Then the building, fitly framed together, will grow into a holy temple in the Lord." (Our High Calling, page 159)

This is the kind of humility that I want to exemplify in my life. How about you?

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

I wonder what it really means to be "entirely ready to have God remove all [my] defects of character". Does it mean that I'm ready for Him to take control of my life, without me doing anything different? Or, could it mean that I am now willing to surrender all my known choices to the Kingship of my Lord and Savior -- no matter the consequences? The following quote has helped me to better understand this process.

"True success in any line of work is not the result of chance or accident or destiny. It is the outworking of God's providences, the reward of faith and discretion, of virtue and perseverance. Fine mental qualities and a high moral tone are not the result of accident. God gives opportunities; success depends upon the use made of them.

As the Lord co-operated with Daniel and his fellows, so He will co-operate with all who strive to do His will. And by the impartation of His Spirit He will strengthen every true purpose, every noble resolution. Those who walk in the path of obedience will encounter many hindrances. Strong, subtle influences may bind them to the world; but the Lord is able to render futile every agency that works for the defeat of His chosen ones; in His strength they may overcome every temptation, conquer every difficulty." {PK 486-487}

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." (Step 6)

"When he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd." (Matthew 9:36 ) NKJV

Have you ever felt weary and scattered? I sure have. There seems to be no lack of problems to deal with, projects to complete, temptations to face, schedules to meet, and hard decisions to make. These things all serve to remind me that, of myself, I am powerless. On my own, I will spin out-of-control to a place I don't want to be.

But, thank God, I don't need to be without the Good Shepherd. I am not alone. When I am feeling weary and scattered, Jesus has compassion on me. And, His Spirit works in me to will and to do His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13 ), as I choose to surrender my will to His.

But, will I recognize my powerlessness and my great need? If I don't, then I will continue to be weary and scattered. It is only as we admit our powerlessness and realize that our lives are unmanageable that true recovery can begin.

"We admitted we were powerless over our problems, that our lives had become unmanageable." (Step 1)

"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." (Revelation 3:20 )

This invitation from Jesus becomes extremely meaningful to us whenever we recognize our own powerlessness to do any good thing (Step 1) and begin to believe in His loving all-powerfullness to deliver us from our dependencies and restore use to sanity (Step 2).

In Revelation 3:20, Christ demonstrates His love for us. Even though we are sinners, Christ not only died to pay the penalty for our sins (Romans 5:8 ), but He continually "knocks" at the "door" of our heart -- seeking to fill us with His loving Spirit. He longs to work in us to do His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13 ), but He can't do that without our cooperation. So, He gently "knocks", using His "still small" voice (1 Kings 19:12 ) to speak to our conscience.

He doesn't barge in and clean house, just because we gave Him permission to do that some time in the past. No, it is a continual process. It is always our choice. Will we trust Him enough to obey -- leaving the consequences to Him? Or, will we choose to do our own thing when He prompts us to follow Him?

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." (Step 3)

"Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." (Mark 9:23 )

God had delivered Mike from most of his chemical addictions, but his addiction to nicotine was stronger than ever. It was especially hard in the small town in which he lived. Safeway was the only grocery store and because of the way the store was arranged, he had to walk right by the cigarettes in order to get to the groceries.

He had tried the "5-day plan", patches and every other method of quitting that he had heard of. He quit smoking many times, only to pick them up again at a weak moment. Mike was about to give up when, as he was reading in his Bible, a story caught his attention. It was the story of blind Bartimaeus (Mark 10:46-52 ).

As Jesus was leaving Jericho one day, with the typical large crowd of noisy people surrounding Him, blind Bart happened to be sitting beside that same road begging. When he asked a passer-by what all the commotion was about, he was told that it was Jesus of Nazareth.

That was all Bart needed to know. You see, Bart had heard of the love of Jesus, and knew he could trust Him. He believed that Jesus could bring healing to him. So, he immediately began to cry out, "Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me!" Many told him to be quiet, but he cried out all the more, "Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me!" Finally Jesus heard Bart's pleas for help, came to him, and healed his vision.

This was exactly what Mike needed to know. Hope began to well up in his heart. Since Jesus healed Bart of his blindness, then surely He would heal Mike of his nicotine addiction. It was then that he purposed in his heart, that whenever he was tempted, he would cry out, "Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me!" Seriously, he really did do this -- verbally, out loud! He told me, "People look at you funny when you do that in Safeway... but you don't smoke cigarettes. No, you don't smoke cigarettes."

After Mike began to trust in God enough to surrender himself to Jesus in his weakness, he never smoked another cigarette -- for the rest of his life.

It may not be nicotine, but we all have sins that easily beset us. Friends, it matters not what your weakness is. Jesus is willing, able, and longing to deliver you too. You can trust Him. Even if you turn away from Him, He will never leave you, nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5 ).

"And Jesus said unto him, Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole. And immediately he received his sight, and followed Jesus in the way." (Mark 10:52 )

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." (Step 2)

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." (Step 3)

"If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:6-9 ). "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." (James 5:16 ).

In my addiction, I was very good at isolating myself from everyone. I lived in a world of fantasy. There was no way I would tell anyone about my secret life, and I minimized my own perception of my behaviors.

But, in 1994 I was hitting bottom. I had sunk so low that I was in serious need of positive change in my life. It was in June that I discovered the keys to victory over my 25-year addiction (Step 3, in conjunction with steps 1 and 2). The very next day after my first victory, which came as I yielded my will to God (Step 3), I began to realize my great depravity. As a result of this inventory of my life (Step 4), I was convicted that I needed to come out of my isolation and tell some human being my story. This was the greatest challenge of my life.

I had admitted these things to myself and to God, but the thought of disclosing my secret life to another person was excruciatingly painful. It was because of my desire for recovery and because of a great conviction from God, that I chose someone and began my confession. My words came very slowly. The whole process took hours. But this was the beginning of the end of my isolation. As I disclosed my issues, it was as if a heavy weight was being lifted from my heart. This was the next step in releasing me from the bondage of the previous 25 years.

As I look back now, I can see that this was one of the best decisions in my life. My dirty secrets were no longer secret. I began to become accountable for my sins. By God's grace, I no longer live in isolation. And, even though my past is not forgotten, it is forgiven. I thank God and praise Him for this!

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." (Step 5)

This is a continuation of my post: That's My God!

Not only does God freely forgive us (justification), but He also wants to sanctify us – to change us from the inside out, to become more and more like Jesus. It doesn’t happen all at once, like justification. This is a continual process that we engage in for the rest of our lives and it is the MOST rewarding process I’ve ever been involved in. And, as long as we are involved in this process, our destiny is assured. We can be certain that our home is in heaven.

But why, you may ask, do we need to go any further than to be forgiven? If God wipes our record clean by the blood of Jesus, why would we need to be sanctified? … Well, while it is true that God gives us a new, clean slate to start over again with, He doesn’t take away our freedom to choose whom we will serve. And, he doesn’t normally change our learning history, which makes up our character. In other words, it is unlikely that He will miraculously take away our bad behaviors. He deals with our past without our participation, but He can’t deal with our future without our cooperation. If He did that, He would violate our freedom of choice, and my God would never do that us.

Let me illustrate, with my own life story… During most of my 25 years of “acting out” in my addictions, I realized that I was powerless over my problems, and I knew that my life was out-of-control. That’s the first step to healing, and that was good. I also came to believe that God could restore me to sanity – the second step.

And, I had enough understanding of justification that I regularly confessed my sins. And, by faith, I believed that God forgave me, and washed me clean in the blood of Jesus. I was justified – over and over again. But those were the only positive steps I took. Oh, I fought the temptations. I fought them with all the will power I could muster up. But I was still a practicing addict. And honestly, my addiction got worse and worse. In fact, I am quite sure that, if I hadn’t got into recovery in 1994, I would likely be incarcerated today. That’s just how bad it was becoming. And that, my friends, is why I needed more than just justification. I needed recovery. I needed sanctification. BTW, in my vocabulary, the words “recovery” and “sanctification” are synonymous. That’s why you will never hear me say (this side of Heaven) that I am recovered, because this is the progressive work of a lifetime, it doesn’t happen all at once.

You see, not only do we need forgiveness, we need character development; we need transformation! That’s where the process of sanctification comes in. So, what exactly is sanctification, and what must we do to cooperate with God so that He can accomplish this in our lives?

For me, it began when I made a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God, as I understood Him. This involves three major components:

1. PRAYER: Constant (as near as possible) communion with God through prayer is vital to having victory over those sins that so easily beset me. For me, this needs to start as soon as I roll out of bed in the morning.
2. BIBLE STUDY: My mind is more clear and most able to focus on Biblical topics first thing in the morning. I never used to be a morning person, but as soon as I asked God to wake me up in the morning, that all changed -- for the better!
3. SURRENDER: When temptation comes, and my thoughts begin to turn towards sin, it is then and there that I must turn my heart and will to God and cry out to Him like Peter when he was sinking: "Lord, save me lest I perish!" (Matthew 14:27-31 ). Or surrender to Him like blind Bart when he said: "Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me!" (Mark 10:46-52 ). Or like Saul the persecutor, when he was struck down by the glory of Jesus. He said, "Lord, what would you have me to do?" (Acts 9:1-6 ). Absolute surrender to the will of God is the only way I have found to have consistent victory over any of my weaknesses.

As I choose to do as He directs in my life, He makes the impossible possible! This is how I cooperate with God so that He can work in me to will and to do His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13 ). This is the process of sanctification. This is the process of recovery.

"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." (Step 3)

I believe that there are only two great powers in the Universe. There’s the power of good – the power of infinite, unimaginable love. This is the power that gives us humans the freedom of choice, as to whom we will serve. Then, there is the power of evil – unimaginable evil. This is the power that continually strives to enslave us through his deviant lies. We commonly refer to these two great powers as God and the enemy, or satan.

But there is a problem using the name God, when referring to this great and wonderful power of love. This is largely due to the fact that the vast majority of people who call themselves Christian exhibit behaviors that mirror the attitudes of the enemy – behaviors that are far from being that of a loving, higher-power. I am qualified to speak of this, because, in so doing, I am speaking of myself. You see, I have been a “Christian” all my life. But, in spite of that, I’ve had all these deviant behaviors, and I’m quite sure that, as a result of this, I have turned many off to Christianity. So, what’s with that? I went to church every weekend. I studied my Bible. I held offices in the church. Most people thought of me as a good Christian. I talked the “talk”, but I sure didn’t walk the “walk”.

More recently, it has become clear to me that there are very few spiritual Christians in church – any church. In fact, there is some pretty good evidence that there are more spiritual Christians outside of the church than there are on the inside. Now, I need to be very clear right now that I’m not speaking against belonging to a church. I love my church and I have no intention of leaving it.

My point is this: if you have been offended by so-called “Christians”, as I have been, I want to apologize to you right now. As far as I know, I’ve not offended any of you, but I have offended many. And this, I deeply regret. So please, do not let evil behavior of carnal Christians skew your view of God. When I exhibit deviant behavior, I am NOT representing my Heavenly Father but rather the father of all evil – satan himself. You see, satan would have us to believe that God is evil and he will go to any length to achieve his goals.

So, who is this God that I am learning to love more and more each passing day? This is the God who left the place of infinite glory and power to become a tiny, helpless human infant in this horribly evil and primitive world. This is the God who grew to human manhood without using His Divine power to in anyway help His own human flesh. This is the God who can help me, because He was tempted in all points like as I am, while NEVER yielding to the constant temptations of satan. This is the God, who in human flesh, admitted, that of Himself, He could do NOTHING. That’s my Jesus! Jesus gives me courage to admit to myself, and others, that I can, of myself, do no good thing.

Jesus is the God who blessed and healed every honest soul who He came in contact with. Jesus is the God who allowed Himself to be falsely accused and beaten unmercifully without one word of complaint. Jesus is the God who while being nailed to that old rugged cross, cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!” Jesus is the God who died to pay the penalty for my sins and yours, and then was raised again to newness of life, just as we have the privilege to do when we take up our cross and follow Him. That’s my Jesus! That’s my God!

My God loves you and me with an everlasting, infinite love that we cannot even begin to fathom! Do you know my Jesus? Do you love my Jesus? In my carnal nature, I have sunk lower than a snake’s belly and yet He has always been there for me with His unconditional love to pick me up and gently guide me from where I was to a better place. That’s my Jesus!

If you have drifted away from God, do realize how easy it is to come back? Even if you’ve never given your heart to God, His arms are open wide right now to totally accept you as one of His chosen ones. All He needs is your heart. The Bible says, if you will confess your sins to Him that He will not only freely forgive you, but He will also cleanse you from all unrighteousness! This is justification – He wipes your record clean, just as if you had never sinned! He replaces your past, sinful record with Jesus’ perfect record. He will give you a fresh, new start! Praise God!!

Continued...

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." (Step 2)

As humans in need of help, we tend to put on a facade that says, "I can do it myself. I could fix my own problems, if I had any." It's great to have a positive attitude, but are things really that great? Can I really fix my own problems? Or, do I just make myself feel superior to others, thinking that my issues are not nearly as bad as theirs? Or, maybe I try to become an authority on everything, so I can tell others what they are doing wrong. Maybe this gives me some temporary relief from the reality of my own inadequacies. Or, maybe I spend large amounts of time doing good deeds for my community or my church, hoping that this will somehow ease my pain, or give me the victory over those sins that so easily beset me. Or maybe I continually pursue higher, more prestigious degrees, hoping that education will bring me peace and happiness in my soul.

Does any of this sound familiar? Are you in denial about your true condition, as I have been (and in some ways, may still be)? It has been a difficult thing for me to realize my own issues, and my own powerlessness over them. But one of the ironies of recovery (the process of sanctification, as some call it), is that the only way to resolve those sins that so easily beset us, is to admit it, and acknowledge our own powerlessness to resolve them on our own.

Here are a couple of quotes that I really don't like: "There are but two powers that control the minds of men -- the power of God and the power of Satan." (Temperance, p. 276) "Satan takes control of every mind that is not decidedly under the control of the Spirit of God." (Testimonies to Ministers, p. 79). WOW, I thought I could do my own thing -- control my own mind. But, it seems that it is more complicated than that. It wasn't until I began to understand my own powerlessness, that I was able to begin my recovery process.

Step 1 invites us to come out from behind our facade, to get real with ourselves and admit that everything is NOT OK, and that we are powerless over our lives. Yes, it's painful. But the pain has been there all along, just festering into more and more damaging thoughts and behavior.

Isn't it time to face that pain instead of just stuffing it, hoping it will go away? Isn't it time to acknowledge that we need the help of a higher power outside of ourselves? My own personal experience is that it is well worth the pain, to gain the peace and serenity that follows. It's unfortunate that I had to sink lower than a snake's belly before I began to understood my own powerlessness, but that's what it took for me. And, no matter how low you've sunk, there is still hope for you. You too can have a better life, and YOU ARE WORTH IT! Why else would Jesus make the ultimate sacrifice when He died to pay the price for your sins, and mine.

Jesus says, "Yeild yourself up to Me; give me that will; take it from the control of Satan, and I will take possession of it; then I can work in you to will and to do of My good pleasure." (Messages to Young People 154) And I guarantee that His good pleasure is infinity better than our default -- satan's evil pleasure.

"We admitted we were powerless over our problems, that our lives had become unmanageable." (Step 1)

"All who are under the training of God need the quiet hour for communion with their own hearts, with nature, and with God. In them is to be revealed a life that is not in harmony with the world, its customs, or its practices; and they need to have a personal experience in obtaining a knowledge of the will of God. We must individually hear Him speaking to the heart. When every other voice is hushed, and in quietness we wait before Him, the silence of the soul makes more distinct the voice of God." Ministry of Healing, p. 58

In my life, it is very easy to let all my busyness -- with work, family, and other pursuits -- crowd out "the quiet hour for communion with ... God". It is easy to forget that it is actually in my best interest, both long-term as well as short-term, to spend this time in contemplation of my standing with God and with those near me. But my days are always better when I get up in time to spend the time I need in quiet communion with God -- reading His Holy Word, praying, seeking His will, and listening for His still, small voice. When I start the day with God, it seems like I stay closer to Him all through the day. Not only is this good for me, but it is good for those around me as well because I'm more likely listen to God's leading and follow in His ways.

I want God to "to will and to do of his good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13 )in my life, but I must remember that He will not do that against my poor choices. I must continually choose to accept the choices of His "good pleasure". I must continually choose to trust and obey His leading. It is then that He steps in and makes it all happen in ways that I have no power to do. Praise God! All of this is much more likely when I start the day in His hands.

"Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace, Comfort your hearts, and stablish you in every good word and work." (2 Thessalonians 2:16,17 )

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." (Step 11)

One day, as I read an email, I felt my anger rise, as I perceived that the writer was trying to shame me. What made it worse was that a high-level person was CC'd in that message. Being put down like that is hard to take, especially when I don't believe the accusation is justified. My immediate reaction was to pound out a reply on the keyboard. But when I read what I wrote, I decided I'd better not send that, so I erased it and pounded out another reply. Over and over again, I continued to type and erase, -- all the while asking God for wisdom as to what I should say -- until finally I sent something. As my anger subsided I got back to what I was doing before that rude interruption.

It wasn't too long after that when I began to be convicted that I had made a mistake in getting angry over this situation. As a result, I confessed to God that, yes, rather than allowing that anger to control me, I should have surrendered it to Him. Then I accepted the forgiveness that He offered (1 John 1:9 ).

Later on, it occurred to me that I may also need to apologize to the person I sent the email to, as well as the other person I had CC'd. But, after all the revisions I had made to that message, I forgot what it was that I finally sent. Eventually, I looked in my sent items and found it. I was quite relieved to find that I had not said anything inappropriate and therefore didn't need to write an apology. Remember that I had prayed for wisdom during that whole process. It was gratifying to realize that, in spite of my anger, God answered my prayer and saved me from what could have been a very embarrassing apology.

I'm sorry to say that there have been previous times when I didn't pray over a hasty email reply and had to go back and apologize later. But God is good. He is always faithful to provide a way of escape when we are tempted (1 Cor 10:13 ). The question is, will we surrender to Him in the moment of temptation? This time, it was a partial surrender. Next time, I want to go all the way with God.

"Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it." (Step 10)