Sid's Recovery

"I will sprinkle clean water on you... Your filth will be washed away... I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart... I will put My Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and... obey my regulations... I will cleanse you of your filthy behavior..." (Ezekiel 36:25-29) NLT. "This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord, I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds will I write them;" (Hebrews 10:16)(Hebrews 8:10).

Intellectually, I know God's law is the law of love, and I assent to it. but my heart has been stony cold. Like the man of Romans 7 (Rom 7:14-23), my character is defective. I need the love of God written on my heart -- in my character. And so, I ask myself, "How can I cooperate with God's love? How can I give Him permission to remove my defects of character? How does He do that? What will it cost me? And, am I entirely ready to let God do this work of transformation in my heart. How do I become that intimate with God?"

I believe that it "boils down" to how honest I am, about my weaknesses, with myself, God and others. And, do I really trust God enough to fully surrender to Him and to His will when He calls to my heart? Recognizing my powerlessness, Am I willing to be "crucified" to self and alive to Christ (Galatians 2:20)? Will I say, "Lord what would you have me to do?" (Acts 9:6) And then, will I choose to obey, knowing that: "The temptations in [my] life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than [I] can stand. When [I am] tempted, he will show [me] a way out so that [I] can endure." (1 Cor 10:13)

Each time I practice these principles, not only does He give me the victory (Praise God!), but I also believe that He writes more of His laws of love in my heart, in my character. Those new behaviors of love become part of who I am (an heart of flesh) and those old behaviors of selfishness (stony heart) become less of who I am. "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." (2 Cor 5:17) May it be so in my life and in yours...

"And I will sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all your idols, will I cleanse you. A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you; and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep mine ordinances, and do them. And I will save you from all your uncleannesses: and I will call for the grain, and will multiply it, and lay no famine upon you." (Ezekiel 36:25-27,29)

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

During my 25 years of "acting out" in my addiction, I would often ask God to remove my "shortcomings". In fact, I would plead with Him to "just take it away" most every time I fell. But, as I reflect on those pleadings now, I see that I was more arrogant than humble in my approach to God. I wanted Him to do it all and I wanted Him to do it now! I wanted Him to take my will, without my willingness to give it to Him. I was unwilling to admit the extent of my issues to anyone, not even to God or myself. And yet, I was demanding of God to fix me. I wasn't at all ready to have God remove my defects of character, even though I thought I was.

God says "My son, give me thine heart..." (Prov 23:26). If I were to hold out to you a gift in my hand, but not release it from my grasp as you attempted to take it, would it really be a gift? "Please take it", I would continue to urge. And yet, I would not release my grip. This is what it was like for me as I continually asked God for deliverance from my issues, while being unwilling to let them go.

In recovery, my arrogance and pride are gradually turning to willing submission to God's will -- humility. It is my experience that God removes my "shortcomings" only as fast as I am willing to let them go. This is not only a passive submission, but an active determination to choose a better course of action for my life -- one temptation at a time -- one day at a time. "To make God's grace our own, we must act our part. His grace is given to work in us to will and to do, but never as a substitute for our effort. As the Lord co-operated with Daniel and his fellows, so He will co-operate with all who strive to do His will." (PK 486-487)

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

"Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;" (Acts 3:19)

"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stand in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me the strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen." (Alcoholics Anonymous p. 76)

As we repent and become converted, we do need strength to do God's bidding, but just how does that work? In my 25 years of practicing my addictive behavior, I continually asked God for more strength of will to resist those temptations that so easily beset me, but to no avail. Yet, in recovery, as I surrender my will to His, during those temptations, He always gives me the victory.

So... what changed? Using my will to surrender myself to God, more than for fighting the temptation was key. But recently, I received some additional insight from a study of these words of Jesus: "Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you." (Luke 10:19).

Let's look at just a piece of this verse: "Behold, I give unto you power... over all the power of the enemy...". The word "power" is used twice in this verse, right? Well, when looking at the original language (Greek), we see that two different words were used. The first word is "exousia", which could have been translated as "authority". The second word is "dunamis", which could have been translated as "ability".

If we use this alternate translation, we have this: "Behold, I give you authority over all the ability of the enemy". That makes a BIG difference to me! You see, in my addictive behavior, I was asking God for the ability to resist the ability of the enemy. I realize now that just isn't going to happen, and it never did. But what does happen is that, as I surrender my will to God's, He gives me the authority to say "NO" to the enemy, as I say "YES" to God. Now that's the power I need :-)

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you..." (James 4:7-8)

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

Jesus said, "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matthew 21:22). Faith seems to be a large factor in whether we receive what we ask for, but in considering how we ask..., it may be well to consider this story:

"Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’ But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’"(Luke 18:9-13). My tendency is to be more like the Pharisee, looking on the faults of others, rather than humbly admitting my own weaknesses. But listen to what Jesus said about that, "I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." (Luke 18:14).

"Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;" (Acts 3:19). These "times of refreshing" come to us as we admit and surrender our issues to God. Whenever temptations to those sick behaviors come, is when the "rubber meets the road". That's when I must decide to put my will entirely on the side of God and trust in Him for deliverance. It is only then that He will work in me "both to will and to do of His good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13). When we do our part, we can be assured that God will do his part. That is how, I believe, He removes our shortcomings. Each time we cooperate with God in this way, we are gradually transformed to become more and more like Jesus. And that is my goal. Is it yours?

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)

It's challenging to be real with myself. There are always temptations to either, think more highly of myself than I should, or to beat myself up for my foolishness. But God calls us to be honest -- to be real. I need to realize and acknowledge my weaknesses, while praising God for the strength and the victories He gives me.

"For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith." (Romans 12:3). "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith Jehovah. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8,9)

When I come to God, realizing that I am a sinful mortal man, approaching the almighty God of the universe, I come in humility, asking Him to remove my character defects. For, all I have to offer Him is my will (choosing to follow Him, while knowing that I can't do it on my own) and my great need. But, because of the amazing sacrifice that Jesus became for me, I can "come boldly unto the throne of grace, that [I] may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16). And that's infinitely more than I deserve. PRAISE GOD!

"Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord, According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust." (2 Peter 1:2-4)

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." (Step 7)