Sid's Recovery

The year was 1994. Having sunk lower than a snake's belly in my behaviors, I heard something that gave me hope. I heard the testimonies of several individuals who were, by the power of God, having consistent and lasting victory over temptation to do those things that had controlled them for many years, and had brought them and others a great deal of pain. Could it be, I wondered, if there might be a way out of my painful behaviors, which had controlled me for 25 years?

As I began to realize my powerlessness, and the all-powerfulness of a LOVING God who wanted to deliver me from my addictions, I began to become willing to surrender my heart and my life to Him. Just as soon as I began to surrender myself to Him in the moment of temptation, He began to deliver me. I began to have victory over temptations that I had previously believed to be impossible. What Jesus said about Him being the vine is certainly true: "I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." (John 15:5). And, it's also true that, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13).

I PRAISE GOD for His faithfulness to deliver me from my besetting sins as I choose to trust and obey Him. This is why I write and facilitate small groups each week. I have a burning desire to share this spiritual awakening that I am having with others. If you are ever in the Walla Walla area, I would love to have you join me and others for a time of discovery and healing each and every Saturday morning. See the 12-Step Schedule for more information.

If you wish, you can read more of my testimony here, where I have written about the power of the will and throughout my recovery blog.

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." (Step 12)

"... as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And a voice said, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'"(1 Kings 19:11-13)

Many times I have wished that God would communicate to me in a strong voice, like a mighty wind, clearly stating His will for me, laying out a master plan that I could follow for years to come. But I don't hear Him speaking to me in that way. The closest to that is what I "hear" from His Holy Word. He provides me with a huge amount of instruction in the Bible, for which I'm thankful.

But what about that "gentle whisper" of God? Every day, there are times when a thought will pop into my mind, and I wonder, "where did that come from?". Sometimes, I recognize it as a temptation. But, often it seems to be the "gentle whisper" of God, saying, "This is the way, walk ye in it" (Isaiah 30:21). I'm trying hard to recognize that voice, in the midst of so many others. Sometimes it comes as a result of my prayer, asking for wisdom (James 1:5). Even then, it could be a long time afterward that I remember, "oh yeah, a while after I asked for wisdom, I got an idea that helped me solve that problem. Thank you Lord!"

Other times, it comes without my asking. One day, when I was taking our burnable trash to our wood-fired boiler, some papers on the top caught my attention, and that "gentle whisper" prompted me to look more carefully at those papers and ask around to make sure they were to be burned. I'm sorry to say that I dismissed that thought, and put them in the fire anyway. Later, I discovered that one of those papers was homework that my son hadn't yet turned in. God cares about the little things as well as the big. I read somewhere that He "is ever sending messages" to those who will listen.

Sometimes I wish that God was more pushy with his directives, but more and more I realize that God has a great deal of respect for our freedom of choice -- even when we make the wrong choice. Maybe that's why He says, "Come now, and let us reason together..." (Isaiah 1:18).

"The Lord says,
'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you.
Do not be like a senseless horse or mule
that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.'
Many sorrows come to the wicked,
but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord.
So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him!
Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!" (Psalm 32:8-11)

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." (Step 11)